After years of adverts tempting children to "Join The Professionals", the ASA is dismayed to find videos circulating on the Interweb, showing a fat b*stard who was sacked from every job he ever had for unprofessional behaviour, wearing an army uniform on manoeuvres and making out he could fly a fighter jet.
"It's a disgrace that the advertising community promoted the notion that the military only have professionals, when clearly the military will accept any oiks", said chairman Fred Scoggins, ASA and bar.
The military has responded saying "An unfortunate admin error occurred after an assistant who it appears had met him at Oxford and thought there was a chance of getting her own back if she could fast track his application and turn him into cannon fodder. The admin error occurred when her supervisor never checked beyond seeing that the fat bastard had attended Eton, and imagined he must be quality material.
image from pixabay
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First published 27 Jul 2022
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Watching men in great physical shape run around doing the footballing for five and a half weeks has led to an increase in viewers' snacking across the participating nations. The manufacturing of synchronously packaged foodstuffs to accompany the televisual footy feast has far surpassed that of any previous tournament and experts predict that by 2056 there will be breaks in the sporting action every fifteen minutes to allow the players to eat a little tie-in treat.
In the semi-final of snacks, the net bags of red wax covered mild mini cheeses with flags on (a note for the English, superstitiously eating your home country last has not been enough to occasion a win, a new strategy is needed next time) faced off against the doughnuts with a green icing football pitch on. The sausage and mash flavoured potato crisps met with the sour fizzy jelly football/trophy/glove/ball shaped sweets. Meeting in the final were the doughnuts and the fizzy sweets. In a tense battle of thoughtful mastication, the doughnuts won!
Should anyone feel they haven’t eaten enough of the promotional high fat and high sugar comestibles they will be appearing in your local B&M for the next year. Yum!
Image: WixAI
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