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FIFA president Gianni Infantino has announced there will be no actual football match during the World Cup final celebrations on Sunday.


Instead the cameras will cut straight to adverts and commercials….mainly featuring David Beckham selling waffles, taco crisps, pizza and Stella


Infantino said there will not be enough time to play the actual match as it gets in the way of important advertising slots and corporate selling opportunities.


‘We will see the teams walk out onto the pitch but from then on it will be adverts….right up until the closing ceremony which will then feature more wonderful adverts.


The football is important but it does tend to get in the way of close-ups of celebrities and sports stars and their brands. These people have product to shift and FIFA has a priority to maximise their selling potential".


Sales of crisps, beer and botox have rocketed thanks to Beckham's appearance in 95% of the adverts shown during the World Cup Finals but FIFA say there is still more product to shift before the curtain comes down on the final commercial.


The final will be decided by David tossing a McDonalds cheese burger into the air….whoever has chosen cheese-side-up gets to win the trophy.


"Did somebody remember to bring the trophy, that gold thing….does anybody know where it is……don’t worry…we will just present the winning team with a KFC mini fillet snack box”.



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Steve Sawgrass, a 55 year-old YouTube senior manager has sadly passed-away after company policies prevented, and some have claimed, accelerated his demise.


'Steve suffered a minor heart tremor yesterday evening,' said his fifth-wife Sarah, 'and we turned immediately to the YouTube app on how best to help him. Unfortunately a two minute ad on the benefits of life insurance, followed by an ad on no-risk off-plan property investments in Dubai further impacted his health'


'The final straw", "or nail in his coffin" joked his brother-in-law Dave, was when the screen displayed "Skip in 2"... with that Steve jumped-up and reached for his skipping rope.'


His wife Sarah remembered how Steve's life ended: 'It was a mess of tangled skipping ropes, dismembered bodies and mis-placed adverts. A bit like GB News.'

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