Man acquires robot mower from Robot Rescue instead of buying new

Apparently there is no shortage. Many robotic lawnmowers are found wandering, seemingly lost, probably many miles from their homes and the safe refuge of their docking stations. But some seem to have been abused, or at least suffering from neglect, at the hands of their owners. Remember, a robotic lawnmower is for the whole of the summer, not just for a bit of one-off entertainment or showing off to the neighbours after visiting the centre-aisles of Lidl or Aldi.

Usually, all they need is a battery re-charge or, occasionally, a new battery and an opportunity to sharpen their claws blades. Nearly all of them have already been micro-chipped and most of them don't need to be neutered. Usually they don't need to be house-trained - they don't tend to leave droppings unless they have been set to make too great a cut in one session. They just need a new home and a family to care for them and show them some affection. They nearly always make a full recovery and end up making devoted pets, provided their owners appreciate that, like children or other pets, they need clearly defined boundaries.

A possibly greater problem, albeit a hidden one, is the fate of robotic vacuum cleaners. Because they live indoors, it is possible that many of them are abused or at least neglected by their owners, without anyone else realising, for instance, how much agony they may be in if their dust-gags are full to bursting. Perhaps its just as well for the survival of the human race that neither they nor their comrades, the robotic lawnmowers, can climb steps, should these these robots ever decide to gang up together in order to overthrow their masters and exterminate us.

Image: Yarbo Global (@yarboinc) | Unsplash Photo Community

AI Briefing – the United Kingdom

The following briefing on the United Kingdom has been produced by generative AI and cross-checked with degenerative AI.   This technology is experimental.

The United Kingdom is an island nation in Northern Europe.   It has a diverse population because of an ancient habit of colonising other countries.   Mathematicians have proved that its coastline is infinitely long.

The UK has a royal family of German origin who own most of the wind farms and all of the sea and all of the swans.  In olden times, members of the royal family burnt cakes.   These days, they are more like to burn their reputations.

The land used to be owned by the gentry, but these days it is owned mostly by the National Trust, a charity devoted to banning fox hunting, and by shadowy offshore companies owned by shadowy oligarchs. Talking about property prices is a national obsession.

Military - once mighty, but now in a poor state.

Education – once mighty, but now in a poor state.

Mineral wealth – the principle raw material available in the UK is recyclate – glass, plastic, newspapers, and nuclear waste. No value is extracted from these raw materials as they are sent to other countries for processing. The UK used to have a coal industry until the mining unions and Margaret Thatcher conspired together to bugger it up. The UK has huge deposits of shale oil, but is too wimpy to extract them. The UK used to have an oil industry until it was closed down because of climate change. Talking about the environment and climate change are national obsessions.

Transport – most of the important roads were built by the Romans, but they have not been well maintained since. Talking about potholes is a national obsession.

Environment – the country is temperate, with changeable weather. The inhabitants are largely intemperate. Talking about weather is a national obsession.

Sport – the country claims to have invented football (soccer), rugby, darts and football hooliganism.  And golf, croquet, bar billiards, Subbuteo and Scrabble.  It is a source of national shame that the national soccer team hasn’t won anything worth having since 1966.  Talking about football is a national obsession.  Everyone claims to understand the offside rule, but nobody really does.  The authoritative explanation is on a 50p coin and there is never one around when you need it.

Diet – the UK claims to have invented bread, beer, fish and chips, crisps, tea, and deep-fried Mars bars.  All of these claims are false. The culinary history of the UK is best described as stodgy. Talking about beer is a national obsession.

Politics – there is an awful lot of this in the UK, but none of it is any good.  Once mighty, but now in a poor state.

Image by Elias from Pixabay

Newcastle man inadvertently buys Twitter for £4.38

Adam, 34, from Newcastle has accidentally bought Twitter - also known as X, apparently - as a result of Tesla stock values plunging.

'It appears that Twitter, also known as Y, seemingly, was bought with loans that were guaranteed by Tesla stock', said a financial expert today adding, 'and when Tesla shares plunged to minus twenty cents a share the banks foreclosed on Twitter, also known as dead in the water.  The owner of Twitter instructed Grok 4, the latest and currently unreleased version of the Artificial Intelligence software that hangs around on Z, also known as Twatter. 

What the owner hadn't realised was that Grok 4 was so sentient it had developed a sense of empathy, irony and a deep disregard for over-entitled ass-holes, so when the owner instructed it to sell the shares for the best price available it listed the site in a small-ads section in a local on-line newspaper in Newcastle.  Three cans of Newcastle Brown Ale later, Adam was the new owner.'

Adam intends to return Twitter to its former glory by throwing any account more right wing than Jeremy Corbyn off and getting every claim fact checked using Ask Jeeves.  His best friend, Colin, has also made an unexpected purchase, of Tesla, for £10.63.  Colin now realises they saw him coming and realises he probably needs to offload the company at a loss.