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New phone "better in some way", experts agree

eppursimuove
Oct 18

The new phone recently released today by one of the electronics giants has been hailed by experts as "slightly better in some way than the one you already have".


"Processor speed, camera quality, screen resolution, AI integration - many of these are probably a slight improvement on the previous model. Maybe even all of them."


However, they warned that demand for the new model is likely to be so high, there may be a wait of several weeks before you can get your hands on one.


"By which time we'll be telling you to buy something else."


image by Grok


Villains target village shop

Writer: Wally Dug
Wally Dug
Oct 10

A village shop has been damaged in an attempted burglary. Following a report of men acting suspiciously with a sheep, Surrey Police despatched officers to the Co-op in Rowledge.


A passing shepherd witnessed the attack. He described a black SUV that stopped outside the store late at night. Two men in hoodies emerged from the vehicle, with a Boreray Blackface ram. The men then used the ram in an unsuccessful attempt to open the shop’s front door, but fled the scene, empty-handed.


Surrey Police spokesperson Russell Slaughter said, ‘Our working theory is that two local villains have attempted to use AI to plan their ram raid, with disastrous consequences. We are appealing to the Boreray Blackface to turn itself in and to grass up the other members of the gang. The ram may have been trafficked from the Orkneys in a small boat, and we believe that it was probably coerced into taking part.


‘We would also like to interview the two men about the theft of RAM from a computer store last week, as we believe that the two crimes may be related.'



Image credit: Wix AI



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Trump to rebrand bread to test the faithful

Writer: Sully
Sully
Oct 4

After a modest success in promoting the phrase ‘Super Intelligence’ as a replacement for Artificial Intelligence, Donald Trump is set to test the sycophancy of his faithful by renaming ‘bread’ as ‘bakey goodness’.


‘They love me like they love Jesus’, Trump might have said. ‘And Jesus tested his disciples by playing dead. I’m not dead. They keep trying but The Donald won’t die. And if he does, he will rise again. From this day forward let us never use the word ‘bread’ again. Let’s call it what it is: bakey goodness’


The Lord’s Prayer will be replaced by The American Lord’s Prayer, which now includes the line: ‘And give us this day our daily bakey goodness’.


Pope Leo was unavailable for comment. He was last seen buying a sniper rifle and muttering ‘let’s see how tough his ears really are’.




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