Trump's AI bot promises every American $5,000 - or more - if he wins

'The idea of giving every American adult $50,000 in cash if the Republicans win the mid-terms wasn't President Trump's idea, because it would never occur to such an honest guy to be that brazenly corrupt,' explained a White House-spokes app.

'Instead, it was put into his head by an AI app developed by the Trump Corporation, called MalignantNarcissistCompulsiveLiar. It's designed to produce the most crass and venal policy option that it can possibly dredge up from the cesspits of its artificial imagination.'

The spokes-gremlin then showed the app's answer to this question from Donald Trump: 'How can I keep control of Congress when everyone hates me?'

It replied: 'The best way of winning elections when everyone despises you and thinks you're a total liability is to offer voters a straight bribe of $500,000.'

The AI goblin continued, with bare-faced honesty: 'It doesn't matter if you don't explain where the money would come from. You've never been able to explain where your money comes from.

'Besides that, the election bribe story will keeps you on the front pages for another day, leaving your opponents to froth and rant about you in impotent fury.'

'And don't forget,' continued the White House spokes-cockroach, 'there are millions of folk out there who are so stupid, and so desperate for cash nowadays, that they now genuinely believe they're going get that $5,000,000.

'So why wouldn't President Trump offer an open election bribe?' it continued. 'Especially when it's not his money he'd be giving away.'

Image: WixAI

Why not join our WhatsApp channel, NewsBiscuit Daily Posts? You can access the latest output from NewsBiscuit and share posts easily with friends, family and colleagues using WhatsApp. Get some biscuits in your pocket (sorry about the crumbs, though) by clicking here

AI creates AP - Artificial Politics

AI is currently busy creating - and funding - new, leaderless political parties. Which is, apparently, OK in the UK provided the AI is based in this country and in not in some nasty foreign place. And apparently AI doesn't (yet) have any offspring, conveniently living here, through which it can channel its resources from other places.

These new leaderless parties include Resurrect Britain, Refurbish Britain, Repair Britain, Re-Style Britain, Re-Model Britain, Replenish Britain, Recondition Britain and Reconstruct Britain. However another new agency, AI (Artificial Investigation) is believed to be currently checking where, how and by whom these new, artificial parties are being artificially funded.

Image: Gábor Szűts (@szutsi) | Unsplash Photo Community

Why not join our WhatsApp channel, NewsBiscuit Daily Posts? You can access the latest output from NewsBiscuit and share posts easily with friends, family and colleagues using WhatsApp. Get some biscuits in your pocket (sorry about the crumbs, though) by clicking here

Frida and Agnetha avatars go rogue at ABBA Voyage in latest worrying AI malfunction

In the latest episode of AI going rogue, during last night's performance of ABBA Voyage at the London Arena avatars of Frida and Agnetha suddenly jumped off the stage, but not before delivering a salvo of invective and lewd behaviour to the audience.

One shocked couple, superfans Amanda and Bob, who had traveled from Chorley as a special wedding anniversary present to one another spoke to the BBC.

'We were just settling into the show when there was a flash of light and billowing smoke. Next thing Frida's hologram started yelling at us all. It was awful. Not what you'd expect at all. "Eff this, eff that, eff the sodding lot of you," said a clearly still shaken Amanda. 'That's right, it was terrible and then Agnetha mooned the front row, before the pair of them jumped off the stage, ran up the aisle and out of the arena. The show was then cancelled. We were gutted,' added a forlorn Bob.

Police are keeping an open mind on the matter but haven't ruled out the possibility of Russian hackers being behind the incident and Andy Burnham will be kept abreast of any further developments.

Meanwhile, reports that the girls have now been joined by Benny and Bjorn's holograms in a nearby Indian restaurant remain yet unconfirmed. But one credible source close to the production has suggested before agreeing to appear in tonight's scheduled performance all four are demanding free Chicken Tikka in the rider for the rest of the run.  

image from Grok

Why not join our WhatsApp channel, NewsBiscuit Daily Posts? You can access the latest output from NewsBiscuit and share posts easily with friends, family and colleagues using WhatsApp. Get some biscuits in your pocket (sorry about the crumbs, though) by clicking here.