ChatGPT to remake Van de Valk

A spokesperson, obviously a man, for Elon Musk has confirmed his boss has ordered Grok to remake the Odyssey in a more believable way. 'Mr Musk does not believe there would be black people in Homer's classic,' he said.

When asked what shade of brown would be appropriate for ancient Greeks he replied that white is what Musk believed to be the correct shade of brown.  Apparently ancient Greeks are alright for speaking modern English in the Grok rendition.  Odysseus himself would believe in the one Christ and none of that Greek God rubbish, despite predating the age of Christ by a long time.

Helen, of course, would be white and would speak in a Home Counties accent, like most Helens.  Not to be confused with Karens.

ChatGPT has responded by agreeing to remake the 2020 remake of Van de Valk in Dutch.  

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Sturgeon promises Scottish military aid to Ukraine

Following the commitment of £1bn of equipment from the breakaway rebel Southern British government in Westminster, the established mainstream government in the Democratic People's Republic of Caledonia has promised to provide complementary aid and weapons to Ukraine.

A spokesman for President Sturgeon announced the details at a press conference:

'See, all this stuff from the Johnson-led gorillas? it's all medium or long range, ye ken? It's all missiles 'n rockets 'n 'things, right? But what about when ye get tae close up fightin', eh? Ye cannae be asking yer enemy tae back off 50 miles, just so ye can bazooka 'em up the jaxie. So what we're doing is providing the brave Kyivvies wi' the lethal weapons 'n trainin' they'll need for hand-tae-hand fightin'.

'First, we're invitin' a company o' Ukrainians tae come and take part in some combat readiness trainin' in Glasgee. This'll include an Orange Walk along Janefield Street, right outside Parkhead. By God, they'll need tae keep alert there, eh!

'They'll be equipped with the very same close-combat weapons we'll be shippin' tae Kyiv. These'll include the Mark XVII Broken Bottle, the 'MindYerFingers' Cutthroat Razor, an' the 'HeidsOrWindaesWhoCares' Brickplus Special

'In the unlikely event of an armaments shortage in Kyiv, we will also be trainin' the boys - as a last resort - to welcome their Russian aggressors wi' open arms.

An' gie 'em a good ol' Kyiv Kiss!

'Mon the 'Krainians!'

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First published 2 Jul 2022

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No. 10 denies Truss was appointed SPAD in the Treasury Dept.

With the many vacillations regarding recent backpedalling involving previously leaked Treasury Department policies and plans, No.10 has been forced into making a strong rebuttal Liz Truss was brought in as a SPAD with a specific brief to advise on the upcoming Budget.

A Labour Party spokesperson said, 'Look, we understand these rumours, albeit Ms. Truss's methods were perhaps considerably better conceived than Rachel's, nevertheless, the Chancellor wishes to state categorically she takes full responsibility for this current, utter shambles herself.'