A Warrington man has described his sense of bafflement on discovering a complete dearth of chocolate oranges, mince pies, alcoholic drinks and confectionery.
'I went to the usual place', he told reporters 'but there were just a couple of little Bounties. I don't like them. Nobody does. I think they only include them as a desperation test'.
Scientists have described the state of his cupboards as 'normal' and suggested something called 'normality' - an interesting concept but unlikely to catch on.
Search engines have reported millions of queries of 'How long till next Christmas?' alongside questions about career moves and offers to swap little Bounties for something edible.
The next Bank Holiday is expected in around 40 years' time.
Image: Alexas_Fotos - Pixabay
England defender Lucy Bronze has dismissed other women as wimps by playing 90 minutes of football with her leg hanging off; and says she could easily have had triplets and coped with 2 failed relationships during the match as well.
Andrew Tate told Newsbiscuit, that Lucy was an excellent example of how far too many women make out they are weaker than they really are; and wished he’d been able to help her prove her point, by giving her two black eyes before she had her post-match photo took.
It isn’t known yet how Lucy Bronze intends to spend her time in the aftermath of the match, but a friend told Newsbiscuit, she expects she’ll unwind with a few pints of absinthe while she listening to Ed Sheeran.
image from pixabay