Probe into false Amazon reviews, given six stars

Regulators have been analysing reviews on Amazon to determine whether the internet giant is allowing false product claims to exist on its website or is just avoiding paying any tax. ‘We found that Amazon did a fair job – five stars,’ said one (verified) investigator. ‘Too good to be true – five stars and thanks for the bonus’ said another.

The EU has been checking into the financial affairs of Amazon for some time. ‘Cheeky, unorthodox, great Tesla btw,’ was the final report headline.

image from pixabay

Get more NewsBiscuit humour on Amazon

Something Similar	On Sale Now	Something Different
Conservatives mistakenly vote to 'review' the body which might find them guilty of their misdeeds	Buy in time for Christmas	How to tell if dozens of people are having a party in your house

Bezos commits to saving world once he owns it all

Billionaire Jeff Bezos has announced to the politicians and campaigners at the COP26 climate change summit that he will take over saving the world from them, once the entirety of the planet's real estate is in his possession.

"On my recent flight into space - I flew into space by the way, did you know? yeah it was great - anyway, I looked down on the earth from above" said the Amazon boss "and I thought: so much of that belongs to someone else. My properties are just about visible from space, but they looked so small and fragile. It was clear that I needed to take action. By which I mean, every year I'm going to spend about 0.5% of my wealth stopping climate change .And use the rest of it to buy the land from under your feet. And seabed mineral rights, don't forget them! There's so much ocean! You really notice that from space, you see."

Despite critics saying that Amazon's business model encourages rampant resource-depleting consumerism, Bezos rejected calls for change at his company, noting that "if we don't mine the earth to pieces to make more Kindles and TVs, where's the money going to come from to save it?"

Image: Free-Photos | Pixabay

Get more NewsBiscuit humour on Amazon

COP26: 'Behold, for I am the saviour of the world' Johnson heard claim	Pop onto Amazon and buy our book (it'll make us smile, too)	Covid test gazebo attains listed status

NewsBiscuit's '15 Years of Typos' - now available in hardback

Having hit your shelves a year ago and selling all of 2 copies, ’15 Years of Typos’ is finally available in hardback. The perfect draft excluder for this Christmas. This humble collection of stories is the culmination of years of frantic scribbling and at least three minutes of careful editing.

‘Five stars? I thought I was reviewing a toaster’ – Amazon Reviewer

‘Although NewsBiscuit remains proud to have been Britain’s first daily news satire website, I am forced to admit that in the years that followed, others may have come along. Yeah, those bastards totally copied my idea of copying The Onion.’ John O’Farrell

‘All true’ – D.Trump

Launched 2006 by John O’Farrell, with the noble aims of eradicating global poverty, creating a lasting peace in the Middle East and providing a daily dose of humour to bored people at work. Since then, after many cups of tea and plenty of biscuits, we are confident that George. W. Bush would agree – ‘Mission Accomplished’.

All profits from the book go directly to charity. We are delighted to support ‘Arts Emergency’ the award-winning mentoring charity and support network (https://www.arts-emergency.org/) helping young people get a fair start in arts and humanities. And ‘English Pen’ – one of the world’s oldest human rights organisations, championing the freedom to write and read around the word (https://www.englishpen.org/)

Hundreds of writers have contributed to the making of this irreverent book – which Mr. O’Farrell’s lawyers were keen to make very clear.