Reform to ban Black Friday

Amazon has complained about a campaign by Reform that threatens all references to Black Friday when they get into power.

'Friday is for everyone, in fact it is more for white people than people of colour,' said a Reform spokesperson today. 'We don't mind blackboards, we're not woke,' he added, and said accident black spots were 'just fine by him' and 'black shirts were really his preference'.

'Honestly, I'm browned off by all this woke stuff. Not literally, obviously,' he said, checking in the mirror. Then in the Sun until finding refuge in the Daily Mail comments section.

Image: rupixen (@rupixen) | Unsplash Photo Community

Highest ever delivery figures achieved by Amazon Crime

A brand in an industry notorious for failing on the one thing it is supposed to do, has finally achieved more than one star on Drunkpilot.

'When it comes to delivering goods to clients in prison, we can't be beaten,' confirmed Sam Pell, head of incarcerated customer satisfaction at Amazon Crime. 'We have a 100% success rate in not deliberately leaving packages with a neighbour.'

Industry watchdog, Amazon Crimewatch UK, are critical, however. 'Firstly, their target market have a tendency to be in. Secondly, they're criminals with a horrendous track record in tax evasion who have no right to run a delivery service.'

Image: ANIRUDH (@lanirudhreddy) | Unsplash Photo Community

Amazon - OpenAI deal means you'll never figure out where your parcel was left

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