Scientists at the UN have come to the worrying conclusion that Americans face extinction by Americans.
‘If Americans carry on like this, there’s not going to be enough of them to go round,’ said Secretary-General António Guterres.
We were already concerned that a drop in sperm count could drastically affect numbers. Evidence suggests this has been exacerbated by giving lunatics handguns, although it’s more likely to be down to the untimely demise of Ivana Trump.
'Across Europe, tourist industry chiefs have been reporting a dramatic drop in tourists asking stupid questions such as, ‘When will Sherlock Holmes be back? Why do they speak French in Paris,’ and ‘can a semi-automatic assault rifle hurt people?’
‘It’s a massive problem,’ said Mr Guterres. ‘Americans are basically shooting themselves in the foot, or anywhere else, come to think of it.’