Pantomime season kicks off this week with Labour's production of Jack and the Beancounter at Westminster Children's Puppet Theatre.
Village idiot Jack (played by head puppet Keir Starmer in a wooden performance) swaps a cow for a beancounter (played by Rachel Reeves, who says she counted lots of beans at HBOS, but didn't really).
To gasps of admiration from her fellow village idiots in the cabinet, Rachel builds a pile of debt for the UK which soars high into the sky, almost going into space. She also creates a magic tax which is meant to cause working people no harm but which forces businesses to lay off staff and drives the UK economy into recession.
"I will save Britain, children!" says her bitter rival, Deputy Fairy Godmother Angela Rayner, clicking the heels of her magic Lord Alli stilettos.
"Oh no you won't!" scream the children in response, "because you wouldn't have the first idea of where to start."
Look out for David Lammy and Wes Streeting as the two ugly sisters, and a cameo performance from Baron Hard-Up, who says to millionaires in the audience: "You wouldn't want to grow MY debt pile, would you? I've got a shedload of alimony to pay, dash it, and no one's been buying my memoirs because they're so rubbish."
The Labour government pantomime will run until well after Christmas, getting less funny with every passing day.
