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Australia counts the cost of social media ban


Aussie kids under 16 aren't allowed on social media any more. And Australia is suffering the consequences.


'There is more graffiti, says Sydney Duff, of Melbourne City Council. 'And more antisocial behaviour . Kids pestering koalas, and roos, and drop bears, that sort of thing. Mel Duff, no relation, of Sydney City Council, agreed. 'Littering is up, chewing gum on sidewalks is up, and four penguins are missing from Taronga Zoo.'


The city police commissioner could also see the negative impact of the ban. 'Call outs to misdemeanours are up by 112% - and that's only 24 hours after the ban took effect. It's ringing doorbells and running away, moving wheelie bins so the garbos can't empty them, dingo doo-doo through letterboxes, stuff like that. It's low level bad behaviour, but it's still annoying. It's un-Australian.'


'Shoplifting is on the up as well. Without their phones and screens, kids are amusing themselves by stealing Tim Tams, Vegemite, and packs of Lamingtons.


'We reckon the court system for juvies will clog up, and that up to 60% of under 16s could end up with a criminal record. But we do have a plan for that. Either they sign up for juvie Cricket school, or it's transportation back to England. That'll learn them.'



Image credit: stablediffusion.com

BTP's New See it, Shout it, Sorted For Anti-Social Behaviour

With commuters unable to avoid the British Transport Police's "See it, Say it, Sorted" campaign against potential terrorist acts, the force has now added advice for dealing with anti-social behaviour when travelling by public transport.


"Whether it's someone watching Tik Tok without headphones, or trying to surreptitiously vape into the ventilation grille and making the entire carriage smell of blueberries; the updated BTP app not only allows you to report this behaviour, but also uses AI to give you suitable put-downs so the people ruining your journey feel suitable chastised and possibly stop what they're doing," said leader of the project Superintendent Chalmers.


Within the new 'See it, Shout it, Sorted' section, users write a description of the act taking place and a witty insult appears within seconds. When tested with common things that would usually lead to eye rolling and tutting, results included, "Have you got any REM mate?", "Is that steam coming from your brain trying to add two and two?" And "Jet Fuel doesn't melt steel beams, it was clearly an inside job."


BTP promise future updates will include live translation, allowing you to shout zingers at people in any language, and - for the times hinting doesn't work - the ability to use your phone as a taser.



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