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Starmer shows Trump how Churchillian he is


Rattled by Donald Trump's jibe that he is "no Churchill", Starmer appeared in the Commons wearing a bowler hat and bowtie and smoking a large cigar.


"We will fight them on the beaches!" growled Sir Keir from the despatch box.


'Subject to the restrictions on military activity in Section 46 of the Coastal Amenities Act, 1972,' he added, inadvertently returning to his default setting of pettifogging, rules-bound lawyer.


Going back to bulldog Churchill mode, he barked out: 'Some chicken! Some neck!' before saying: 'Please don't hurt me, Mr Trump.'


To groans and catcalls from both sides of the House, Sir Keir shouted out desperately: 'Now we are masters of our own destiny!


'And that's why this government will never again dare to refuse a demand from the US presidency," squeaked the latter-day Churchill, "no matter how blitheringly idiotic it might be.'


Hat-tip to lockjaw for the image

Don't Let's Be Beastly To War Criminals


Senior politicians have lambasted peace protestors for being terribly rude. Pointing out that someone is a genocidal maniac is not the done thing, and such gauche behaviour is bound to ruin the garden party and upset the vicar.


Their "un-British" antics are the equivalent of passing the cucumber sandwiches in the wrong direction, while taking a shit on the Magna Carta. Said one Minister: 'It's almost like these people were trying to draw attention to their cause.'


'How dare they suggest that Tony Blair is a murderer or that killing babies is wrong. That's just the sort of tactless behaviour I would expect from someone from a local comprehensive. Is it too much to ask that people show good table manners and ignore any International Arrest Warrants?"




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