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UK to install recording devices in your arse

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After online censorship, onboard breathalysers, the next logical step is Rectal Freedom Plugs. RFPs will be inserted in every adult, under local anesthetic or three pints of larger. RFPs will be keep everyone on their toes, literally - it will be very uncomfortable to sit.


Sir Keir Starmer is the man with a vision and far too much lube. The RFPs will monitor all illicit behaviour - although many argue the vibration warning will act as an incentive not a deterrent.


They will come in a range of colours, but who would know. But you can upgrade to a cheeky fox tail antenna. Explained the Minister: 'Oh, it's not about tracking you, we just thought it would be funny.'


image from pixabay


Keir Starmer last seen in Trump's anus


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What was meant to be a Presidential visit, has turned into a rectal holiday to remember. No soon had the UK's servile Prime Minister landed, then he covered himself in a vat of industrial jelly and sprinted to The White House for warm interior of Trump's sphincter.


The 'special relationship' is now closer than ever and comes with a free prostate examination.


Surviving on a diet of Big Mac remains, Starmer plans to remain in this lower cavity until his popularity improves - which could be never.


Sir Keith (sp) is not the first PM to disappear up a President's butt, but he is the first one to enjoy it. Asked why the PM had seen so keen, an aide remarked: 'He heard that Peter Mandelson was enjoying his time in Washington, so he just wanted to hook up with all the other little shits.'


image from pixabay


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