- deskpilot
- Oct 31, 2025
Updated: Nov 2, 2025
Border Force officials are pleased to see the back of an asylum seeker finally deported to Ethiopia today.
The press are reporting that the man was paid £500 so that he wouldn't make a fuss. Insiders say that he got a lot more than £500.
Our source said, 'That man was an ace negotiator. He was relentless. He asked for, and received, all kinds of amazing stuff.
'He got a signed photograph of Sir Mark Rowley, head of the Met Police, so that he could show his family who had lost out big time at hide and seek. He had to promise that he wouldn't share it with the press or post it on social media. He seemed very trustworthy, so our negotiators said yes. He also got Keir Starmer's wife's recipe for Lemon Cheesecake, the freedom of Epping, twelve sticks of seaside rock from Clacton, some nice clothes, and Sushi for the flight home.
'On the plus side, he has promised not to tell everyone in Ethiopia about the five hundred quid and the other goodies. So hopefully that will encourage Ethiopians to stay at home and not to take a trip to the UK.
image from pixabay
- deskpilot
- Oct 30, 2025
Updated: Nov 2, 2025
TV executives are excited about a planned reboot of the iconic prison-based sitcom Porridge. They say that the format is even more relevant in 2025 and can include themes of spending cuts, early prisoner releases, and administrative incompetence.
There is no news on casting, but we have obtained a first draft of the opening monologue:
‘Norman Stanley Kebatu, you have pleaded guilty to the charges brought by this court, and it is now my duty to pass sentence. You are an habitual asylum seeker, who accepts arrest as an occupational hazard, and presumably accepts imprisonment and/or deportation in the same casual manner. We therefore feel constrained to commit you to the maximum term allowed for these offences: you will go to prison for a little while, and you then be let out and taken to Finsbury Park until you see the error of your ways. We may deport you, if you can pay for your own ticket.‘
image from google gemini