Porridge reboot planned

TV executives are excited about a planned reboot of the iconic prison-based sitcom Porridge. They say that the format is even more relevant in 2025 and can include themes of spending cuts, early prisoner releases, and administrative incompetence.  

There is no news on casting, but we have obtained a first draft of the opening monologue:

‘Norman Stanley Kebatu, you have pleaded guilty to the charges brought by this court, and it is now my duty to pass sentence. You are an habitual asylum seeker, who accepts arrest as an occupational hazard, and presumably accepts imprisonment and/or deportation in the same casual manner.  We therefore feel constrained to commit you to the maximum term allowed for these offences: you will go to prison for a little while, and you then be let out and taken to Finsbury Park until you see the error of your ways.  We may deport you, if you can pay for your own ticket.‘

image from google gemini

One in, one out policy doesn’t apply to animals

The Home Office has confirmed that the one in, one out policy for asylum seekers will not apply to animals.

A recent test case involved a foreign asylum seeker called Noah, who arrived in a small boat with lots of animals. Two of each kind of animal, in fact.  Officials considered deporting some of the animals under the one in, one out policy, but lawyers advised that this could be considered inhumane. They considered deporting Noah, but they didn’t fancy looking after all the animals. ‘That boat is pretty smelly,’ confided one Border Force official.

A spokesman said that the Home Office always kept its policies under review and that, although the agreement with France did not appear to extend to animals, it was arguable that it should. However, for the time being, Britain is not prepared to take a case to the European Court in order to get a definitive answer.

image from pixabay

A way to deter the Universl Soldier?