Four hours of performative nonsense has managed to end all wars, but not in the way you expect. It's not the rampant narcissism we like, it's seeing the pretendy people sit through it and then lose. Their fixed grins and insincere applause are an absolute boon.
For every winner there is of course three losers, which satisfyingly means plenty of upset Hollywood elites. Those tears and tantrums have a calming property for normal people. Seeing their pain just makes everyone else feel happy. There is no human suffering that can match losing best song for the 17th time.
One director commented. "Someone suggested that seeing Timothée Chalamet humiliated was the world healing itself. That's not true - but it is funny."
Image credit: Wix AI
Colin Jameson, 38, of Newport Pagnall has finally admitted to family and friends that he slept all the way though this year's BAFTAs.
Jameson, of Acacia Avenue, arrived at work on Monday, fully prepared to join in all the conversations about this year's awards ceremony after having seen a thirty second clip on Good Morning Britain. He quickly memorised the big prizes and was ready to comment on the frocks should the occasion arrive.
Colin's wife Carol told us, “When he came to bed Colin told me he really enjoyed the awards and started going on about dresses and Cumberbatch but I could hear him snoring from upstairs where I was watching Dancing on Ice in the bedroom.”
“I first became suspicious when he told us how funny Rebel Wilson's jokes were,” said co-worker, Steve Andrews. “It was utter crap." he told our reporter. "I watched the first few minutes and even I had to switch it off and I like Mrs Brown's Boys!”
First published 16 Mar 2022
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