Oscars leads to world peace...again

Four hours of performative nonsense has managed to end all wars, but not in the way you expect. It's not the rampant narcissism we like, it's seeing the pretendy people sit through it and then lose. Their fixed grins and insincere applause are an absolute boon.

For every winner there is of course three losers, which satisfyingly means plenty of upset Hollywood elites. Those tears and tantrums have a calming property for normal people. Seeing their pain just makes everyone else feel happy. There is no human suffering that can match losing best song for the 17th time.

One director commented. "Someone suggested that seeing Timothée Chalamet humiliated was the world healing itself. That's not true - but it is funny."

Image credit: Wix AI