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Putin first world leader to send message of congratulations to Will Smith



Despite having other fish frying, Russian despot Vladimir Putin, has been quick off the mark and becomes the first world leader to congratulate Will Smith, after the Men In Black star sensationally decked presenter Chris Rock live on stage at the Oscars ceremony.


A Kremlin spokesman said: 'This is pure gold for Mr Putin. It has shown the world there is an even bigger twonk than he is. With such an ill-judged action in the full glare of the world's media, this mudak, Smith, makes Mr Putin look like a tactical genius. Now we have a golden chance to brush our own monumental military cock-ups and war crimes under the carpet, as this utterly pointless Oscars story is going to run and run for weeks. Trust me, comrade.'


Meanwhile experts are divided over the unprecedented event. One high profile box-office hot ticket star attending the Vanity Fair after-party said: 'It was quite a moment wasn't it? Speaking for myself, though, I can honestly say had I been there I don't know which of them I'd have decked first. Irrespective of any jokes or slurs.'




First published 28 Mar 2022


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Oscars leads to world peace...again


Four hours of performative nonsense has managed to end all wars, but not in the way you expect. It's not the rampant narcissism we like, it's seeing the pretendy people sit through it and then lose. Their fixed grins and insincere applause are an absolute boon.



For every winner there is of course three losers, which satisfyingly means plenty of upset Hollywood elites. Those tears and tantrums have a calming property for normal people. Seeing their pain just makes everyone else feel happy. There is no human suffering that can match losing best song for the 17th time.


One director commented. "Someone suggested that seeing Timothée Chalamet humiliated was the world healing itself. That's not true - but it is funny."



Image credit: Wix AI

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