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The newly launched app-based 'First UK Cyberbank' says that it could not find a sassy, wacky and cheeky name, because all the good ones had gone. And it isn't thrilled with its initials, either.


'People will still remember Goldfish, Egg and Smile,' said a spokes-suit. 'Online customers know about Starling and Atom and Zilch and Biscuit and Monzo and Revolut. We wanted a short, memorable and snappy name too, but it was not to be.


'Our preferred list of names included Zing, Bazooka, Blammo, Squirl, Spank, and Willy Wonga. Unbelievably, all these names had already been registered. So we moved down our list. Bread, Moolah, Do$h, Lolly, Wedge, Dough - all taken. Smackers, Ackers, Spondulicks, Shrapnel - all gone too. And it turns out that Snatch, Bajingo and Fandango are NSFW.


'So that's how we ended up as a bank with a really dull name. We're the Colin of banks.


'Incidentally, when we checked, we could have called ourselves Colin. But that was too wacky, even for us.



image credit: perchance.org


In a further blow for all the people who read the small print, they will miss out yet again on free money.


The otherwise pristine reputation of car salesman has been tarnished by a court judgement on car finance 'secret' commission payments. Anyone who meticulously sourced their own finance and didn’t just nod and sign when buying a car may miss out on a wad of compensation spondoolicks.


Reading a carefully worded statement, a representative of all the people who are cautious and diligent when undertaking large financial transactions said: 'Dammit, not again!'


The PPI scandal (Payment Protection Insurance), not the PPE scandal (Personal Protective Equipment), was a massive score for anyone who didn't decline the blatant needless extra costs that were greedily added by banks. Compensation for PPI mis-selling was a major act of justice that prevented banks from committing fraud for several weeks.


Although not as complicated as another classic bank mis-selling technique known as the Interest Rate Swap switcheroo, which at least made the effort of being deliberately confusing, this cheeky manoeuvre on car finance was as basic as just hiding the commission details.


A nodding fool exclaimed, 'Yes Boieee! I am a financial genius and will learn nothing!'


Photo by Stockcake: chequebook-illustration-art_557595_195734


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