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Study finds half of UK adults believe crumbs that fall into toaster ‘just disappear'


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A new study has shown that 53% of UK adults believe the crumbs which fall into their toaster simply disappear without a trace.


'It’s like cremation, isn’t it?' suggests participant Lee Halsall, 'Or when something falls through the barbecue grill. Gone forever.'


Lead researcher Stella Holmes explains: 'This study provides further evidence that we are not teaching our children the practical skills they need to be effective in life. We badly need educational reforms to introduce courses like financial literacy, critical thinking and object permanence.'


It remains to be seen what purpose, if any, those in the ‘disappear’ camp believe a toaster’s crumb tray serves. Unfortunately Mr. Halsall could not be reached for further comment as his toaster had inexplicably caught fire.


Author: Stu Horgan


image pixabay/PublicDomainPuictures



First published 24 Oct 2021


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Britain to Run Out of Beer Before Suncream

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With the UK in the grip of a mini heatwave and temperatures peaking this weekend, supermarkets report they are running low on typical hot weather items such as beer and ice cream. However, stocks of suncream remain plentiful.


"People need to respect the sun," consultant dermatologist Lucy Whitehead told us. "In Australia, they had great success with their 'slip, slop, slap' campaign. When we tried that here, a lot of men just thought we were describing a good Saturday night out. Brits think they can't get sunburn in the UK, like there's some form of special sunlight here that is made by St George or something, which explains the smell of roast pork mixed with aloe vera every time I visit Sainsbury's."


Outside a Sainsbury's in Basildon, several lobster-toned men are planning for the weekend by filling cars with crates of drinks and bags of barbequeable meat, but UV protection is nowhere to be seen. "It's not like Spanish sun, you don't burn like you do there," one medium-rare gentleman told us. "My uncle never wore anything to protect him; not in 1976, not any day he worked outside, and not when he got diagnosed with melanoma in his 50's. If it gets a bit much, I just have a dunk in the paddling pool and I'm right as rain. Besides, it all turns to tan a few days later and I get a healthy bronze glow. It's also good for my eczema, I'm hoping it'll help this red patch on my arm that's really uncomfortable and just won't go away."


image from pixabay



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