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Negotiations between Gary Lineker and the BBC following criticism over Lineker's entirely accurate tweets appear to have been settled after Lineker agreed to having a cage boxing match between himself and members of the Tory party included as part of Match of the Day.
Lineker had asked whether this would include Tory party donors who could do with having the crap beaten out of them, but was told the BBC needs to maintain its impartiality. The donors would be allowed to beat the crap out of Lineker, also because of impartiality The BBC said Laura Kuenssberg will referee the bouts, in order to ensure the bouts were fair, after Lineker had suggested Emily Maitlis or Andrew Marr would do a good job. Apparently for contractual reasons this wasn't possible.
Michael Gove failed a mandatory drug test to compete. Other leading Tories involved (all with self-chosen nicknames) are James "Clever Nickname" Cleverly, Boris "British Bulldog" Johnson, Suella "Sledgehammer of Injustice" Braverman and Jeremy Hunt-you-down-and-kill-you.
Lineker told Newsbiscuit he had hoped the cage fighting series could begin with a Lineker-v-Sunak bout, but Sunak said Lineker needs to pick on someone his own size, so the first bout will be between Lineker and 30p Lee "Knuckledragger" Anderson. In an interview published by the Times, Telegraph, Mail and Express, Anderson said that you would never get his side of the story in the main stream media.
Richard Sharp, Chairman of the BBC, has admitted that he had dinner with Boris Johnson and Sam Blythe, who went on to underwrite a £800,000 loan to Mr Johnson. A BBC spokesman says it is unfair that the press are accusing him of facilitating a deal for the then Prime Minister, when all he did was have some dinner and introduced a very rich man to a man who needed some cash, pronto. 'The fact that Mr Sharp was then appointed as BBC chair shortly after, at the recomendation of Mr Johnson, is purely co-incidental,' the spokesman added.
He added that if the BBC hadn't dropped the Money Programme in 2010 then he wouldn't have needed to meet up with rich people to secure a loan. The spokesman said that while there are some websites that provide independent advice, and Martin Lewis seems to know a thing or two, Mr Johnson wouldn't have needed the help from the man who subsequently became Chair of the BBC.
The BBC maintain the relationship between Mr Sharp, Mr Johnson and Mr Blyth around the time of Mr Sharp's appointment is 'not causal', despite the rumour that Valerie Singleton was being lined up for the job until the then Prime Minister learned her programme had finished.
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