Musk is getting too much attention, says man who won’t shut up about him

Keir Starmer has sensibly decided to take the bait, marked ‘bait’, clearly lowered on a big fishing rod by Baity McBaitface. This is a new version of the Streisand Effect, is where Starmer inadvertently amplifies a topic he wants to be quietened – reaching a point where Barbara Streisand is forced to tell him to STFU. Sadly, Elon Musk has successfully trolled the PM and provoked him into devoting an entire press conference as to why Elon was mean to him and made him cry.

The old adage ‘Never Argue with a Man Who Buys Ink by the Barrel’ also applies to billionaires who own Twitter. The BBC helpfully ran it thousandth story this week, about how Musk should be stopped from dominating the media. An aide declared: ‘The Prime Minister is now going to schedule a rebuttal for every time someone on the Internet says something bad about him. Expect his next Press conference to take 200 hours to complete.’

Picture credit: Wix AI

People who have never seen Gavin and Stacey praise its ‘perfect’ ending

Non-fans of the much loved UK TV show, Gavin and Stacey, have been unanimous in their praise for the series much-hyped Christmas special, with one going so far as to say that it was the best programme she had ever not watched. The show, which first aired on BBC 2, I think, and definitely starred Rob Brydon, James Corden, and now things start to get a little sketchy for people like me who never ever watched it but wasn’t there a woman comedian actor, too?, won plaudits for being funny and touching, which I and people like me who’ve never seen it agree must be true because everybody always says so.

A bike mechanic who doesn’t actually watch TV at all chimed in to say that “I don’t even read newspapers online but somehow I’ve heard this final episode of Gavin and Stacey was good. So it was brilliant.’ He said he would genuinely miss the thing that he had never consumed. ‘I haven’t even seen a single scene of film, just still photos of, I think, a taxi driver? I really hope they bring it back for another series. I won’t watch again.’

Gavin and Stacey, people who have never watched it presume, must be named after its two main characters, who, being male and female and having ordinary names, are surely in some kind of sweet relatable domestic scenario that could only ever be concluded dramatically with the perfect ending. A flurry of articles the day after transmission confirmed what people who hadn’t watched the episode but were hanging on for news of its perfectness would have presumed: something about ‘finding love.’

Gavin and Stacey is not the first programme beloved by the whole nation despite most never having seen it. But it is, I think, Welsh, and the Welsh have traditionally been granted one popular television programme per decade since the introduction of four channels in 1982. Torchwood, another no one has seen, Doctor Who, who everyone stopped watching, and some legal drama that got 5 stars from everyone who wasn’t asked.

Image: Pixabay/Alehandra13

King's Speech likely to be watched by up to four people

The BBC has announced that they fully expect up to four people will watch the King's Speech this year, two up on last Christmas.  'It's a fine use of taxpayers' money,' claimed a spokesperson.  The money spent on recording and broadcasting the speech is thought to be less than a sausage finger's worth of a Royal statue, the cost of which has increased dramatically in recent years.

'We will repeat it several times and will naturally fill the news bulletins with the highlights, for the sixty million or so people too disinterested or, frankly, pissed to watch' said the spokesman.

The King's Speech will be broadcast on BBC1, ITV and, for smug bastards with money to waste, on Sky at 3pm if anyone wants a reason to pop down the shed, open another bottle of brown ale or extricate themselves away from building a Millennium Falcon in Lego in front of the telly, especially when they realise seven critical pieces were lost to the Hoover at the ten am emergency vacuum of the living room.

For balance, the BBC has pointed out there is other shit on the other channels.  Or you could just resume the family argument.

Image: Pexels - Pixabay

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