Paul Singh (58) had doggedly stuck by the UK broadcaster through thick and thicker, enduring the BBC being accused of bias, corruption and three series of Mrs Brown’s Boys. The last straw for Paul, was when the BBC Panorama ran a five-part documentary entitled ‘Why Paul Singh is a C$nt?’.
Said long-suffering Paul: ‘I’m not saying I don’t like shoddy journalism, vacuous game shows and pontificating celebrities – it’s just that I’ve already got ITV’.
Updated: Jan 23, 2022
It is understood that Nadine Dorries has been considering an offer from Bertie B*llocks. The owner of the eponymous conglomerate already owns a movie streaming service and various news outlets around the world. Although some of his money making ventures fall into a "grey area", especially in China and South America, he will have the funds to maintain the necessary cash stream for the BBC to continue being a world-leading broadcaster.
A close associate of Mr B*llocks stated, "it's a win win situation. Hell, we won't even have to change the lettering of the logo".
Asked if there would be job cuts he said, " Oh, yeear. A lot management barsterds will jumping out of windows by the time Bertie is finished with them".
The same bloke awarded a massive £530m contract for making Covid test kits in the function hire room of his pub has hit the jackpot again by being given the entire BBC.
'It's fantastic news,' said Matt Hancock's mate and new BBC chairman, Terry White. 'To be honest, I'm not sure what I'm going to do with it, so it's a bit like being given the special Covid crony contract all over again. I didn't have a clue what I was doing with that, and I don't have that much experience of running a multi-million-pound corporation. Still, if it makes me a shed load of cash, who gives, right?'
'I'll probably blow a load of money on a new series of Top Gear, with yours truly, Dan who used to work at Kwik-Fit and Keith across the road who has huge sub-woofers tied to his roof rack. Viewers can rest assured that all the female news presenters and weather girls are up to scratch and wearing age-appropriate swimwear. All that serious news bollocks will be binned, along with anything 'edgy' or 'creative', and Attenborough is out on his ear. I've already awarded myself six British Academy TV awards, and now I'm looking forward to putting in a sealed bid for British Gas. Me and the wife think £25.00 should cover it.'
