LA fires just P.Diddy client list being burnt

Los Angeles erupted in flames, as Hollywood notables tried to burn their season ticket to Diddy's mansion and the Epstein Island. So huge was the pile of evidence, that the conflagration could be seen for miles. Witnesses said the smoke cloud resembled a gurning Bill Clinton.

The client list, which is said to include 7% of all Americans and 100% of Oscar nominees, filled whole warehouses. All those names have now been lost in the fires and can only be recovered if you Google 'people who thanked Beyonce'.

Sadly the fires have spread to engulf Trump's hush money, Obama's birth certificate and Joe Biden's war crimes and pill prescription. Lawyers say they will be unable to prosecute due to a lack of evidence, meaning P.Diddy will walk free - if only he was not going to be found mysteriously dead in his cell next week.

Picture credit: Wix AI

How they persuaded Joe Biden to step down

Did they say...?

'If you stand down now, you can run for Pope as soon as Francis pegs out.'

'Wow, I can't believe it's 2028 already, those two terms sure went by like a flash.'

'What America needs right now is a woman of colour to end the Civil War and free the slaves.'

'If Kamala is president, then you can be Defense Secretary. Remember how you always said you'd like to kick the nuclear football round the White House lawn?'

'Sorry Joe, the job is now hereditary - you know, like the way the Brits do it. Time to make way for President Hunter Biden.'

'Damn, they've raised the minimum age for the presidency to 90. Just make sure you keep in shape for 2032, OK?'

Picture credit: Wix AI

US Supreme Court grants head of Biden Crime Family immunity from prosecution

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