Among the countless Brexit benefits already identified by Mr Rees-Mogg, he is proposing a bill be put before parliament that would ban shops and supermarkets from using barcode technology and return to good old-fashioned British price labels.
Mr Rees-Mogg's "accountant" explained that Jacob's personal success with massaging hedge funds came partly from his pleasure as a child, in mentally adding up the cost of the shopping in his nanny’s trolley as she placed it on the conveyor in Harrods food hall.
'He could tell her to the exact farthing what her shopping would cost and any discrepancy with what was demanded of her by the servant at the till, would obviously be due to fraud. Whereupon the store manager would call security and insist the till slave was whipped to within an inch of her life and denied gruel. Until she begged for forgiveness and promised to be trustworthy on fear that if it happened again, the graves of her dead children would be sent to Rwanda, or some other God-forsaken hell hole like Glastonbury.'
Enquiries into whether Mr Rees-Mogg had used the self-checkout systems that supermarkets now have, brought the following reply from his "accountant": 'Good Heavens no! A trip to a supermarket would be over as soon as one walked in, with those ridiculous EU-inspired things. A supermarket trip surely needs to allow sufficient time in the checkout queue to have at least a three-course picnic.'
