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EDL spokes-wazzock, Andy Notherthing, has voiced concerns from across the bigot community.
'I have a mate who knows someone who can read, and he says he saw this article on Wikipedia that reckons sweat is lighter than saltwater. Everyone knows that French swelter like a glassblower's arse - even in winter. But, what with this long hot spell, sweat will be gushing down their rivers to the coast like a reverse Severn Bore.
'Your crafty migrant could probably surf their way across the channel on waves of French perspiration. Our navy should be firing depth charges filled with Lynx into the English Channel'.
‘Britain has finally joined the 21st century,’ announced James Trotman, managing director of Fox Trotman Country Living, at a special ceremony to mark the conversion of the last barn in the UK. ‘For too long, these buildings have been eyesores; now they are stylish rural retreats that are sustaining the British economy through dark times by stimulating local housing markets.’
The barn was one of ten that formerly blighted the landscape in the small Norfolk village of Shotesham. It is believed to have been used to house grain for reasons which are not yet clear and the smells coming from it were described by local homeowners as ‘a jolly nuisance’.
The other nine are now all occupied by the families’ senior doctors at the local hospital but this one had been overlooked until quite recently, when Fox Trotman responded to an anonymous tip-off. Consultant ophthalmologist David Bradley, his wife Victoria and their two children will move in next week.
‘It’s marvellous news for us and the local community,’ commented Victoria Bradley. ‘For the best part of a year, we were all crowded into a six-bed in Dereham, but now we have enough space for us, the 4-by-4, the Morgan and the children, when they are home from boarding school. If they could only put some nice pavements in around the village to finish it off, that would be just perfect.’
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