The Palace has confirmed that Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth the Second, has expressed concern that she is going to be worn out knighting 'every Tom, Dick and Harry' if the selection of Gavin Williamson is anything to go by.' Seemingly the Palace feels the bar is set so low that snakes are going to struggle to get under it and anyone with modicum of incompetence and the odd compromising photo of the Prime Minister is going to request a Knighthood any day soon.
'That includes half the Metropolitan Police, which explains why it is taking so long to process the Partygate evidence,' said a minor constitutional expert, who confirmed he had a photo of Boris with a girl twenty years younger than himself. 'Might be an assistant, might be something more salacious, whatever, must be worth at least an Earldom,' he mused.
Number 10's apology to Buckingham Palace last week has sparked a number of copycat incidents with more buildings now seemingly wanting to make amends for previous transgressions between one another.
A leading expert in building conflict resolution commented: 'It seems there is a lot of repressed sorrow and regret between many buildings and last week's very public apology has set things in train. So far we know of one semidetached bungalow in Carshalton that has taken out an ad in the local paper apologising to the town hall for its jibes on Twitter about the town hall's unkempt toilet facilities.'
And NewsBiscuit understands French and British diplomats are on alert, with rumours rife regarding the possibility of a high-profile controversial apology being issued between Blackpool and Eiffel Towers over longstanding accusations of blatant plagiarism.