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Her priorities in the Spending Review should see monster profits for baliffs, undertakers and bombs. As she promised billions in subsidy to private nuclear firms, which is great news for any disabled person on benefits, who also owns a nuclear reactor.


She claimed that the economy was improving for everyone, provided they still had organs to sell. She said she would cut regulations that stifle growth, particularly the ones that made it criminal to steal. She insisted there would be extra funds for the NHS, which will see a great dividend when the private sector asset strips it to pay for a weekend in Las Vegas.


Defense spending was her key economic driver, with huge profits in artificial limbs, body bags and PTSD-themed Get Well Soon cards. Responding to her critics, who said her statement was full of lies, she boasted that it was the one area of the economy that had shown 100% growth!





The current (March 2025) Chancellor of the Exchequer has made the following statement, “We have heard this story so many times, if you raise taxes on certain sections of society, then they will just up and leave the UK and we will lose all their entrepreneurshipness. Yes that is a word. Well, let’s just see if the most vulnerable people in the UK do finally get off their arses and walk the, probably difficulty and painful, walk. There’s plenty of empty small boats strewn around the coast for them to get up and go with. Will they actually back up their empty promises, a subject I am an expert in, by clearing off to Monaco to claim benefits there? Let’s just see if they do stick to their word, no questions on that please, or is it just empty threats trying to hold our benefits system sausage.”


Observers were quite impressed with the uncharacteristic empathy Reeves showed.



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