Liz Truss to repay 22 billion blackhole by becoming Deliveroo driver

Sources close to Liz Truss have said the former Prime Minster is preparing to be of service to her country once more in its time of need. The former Prime Minister has a plan to repay the 22 billion pound blackhole in the current public finances by taking a job as a Deliveroo driver in Norfolk.

The Former Prime Minster, who appears to have lost none of her keen grasp of economics, has told colleagues she is a great believer in the gig economy, people should be able to pick-up short-term work whenever they need it like being a Uber or Deliveroo Driver or Prime Minister of a G7 Country.

Despite being blamed for one of the most calamitous financial episodes in recent British history, when her mini budget involving massive unfunded tax cuts nearly turned the country into a live re-enactment of the Hunger Games, Truss remains unrepentant.

She believes her robust response to help restore government finances will set an example to the people of Britain who she believes have become a nation of idlers. And by calculating that it will take her a mere 1.2 million years to repay the current debt, she will overturn people’s views about her economics although not about her sanity.

Photo by Carl Campbell on Unsplash

List of projects Reeves will axe to plug budget black hole announced

The chancellor is set to announce immediate cuts worth billions of pounds, aimed at plugging a £20bn black hole in the finances, when she addresses Parliament on Monday. These include:

1. The Eton Mess Memorial Museum, set up by the Conservatives to celebrate the country's favourite dessert.

2. The Tunnel under Boris Johnson, planned to relieve pressure on the National Monument, is one of the infrastructure projects that could be halted to save money.

3. The Rwanda Migration scheme could be adapted to send Tory MPs who lost their seats for a few weeks break on Michelle Mone's Mediterranean yacht before they have to find new jobs.

4. Rishi Sunak's swimming pool will be turned into a new reservoir to provide clean drinking water to the whole country.

The Conservative Party said the state of the public finances was clear before the election. This is at least one thing on which everyone agrees.

image from pixabay

Rutland demands its fair share of BBC spending

The BBC needs to spend as much on television content in Rutland as it does elsewhere, say protestors.

They claim the corporation spends almost nothing producing content in Rutland.  Even the TV series Rutland Weekend TV had been filmed in London. Adding the detective series Shetland could just as easily have been filmed locally and called Rutland instead. Licence fee payers in Rutland ‘deserve better,’ they said.

‘We’re calling for a year-on-year increase in locally produced content until we are getting our fair share of BBC spending. We are fed up being the butt of the joke,’ said parish councillor Colin Dull, citing the band called the Rutles and their album ‘A Hard Day’s Rut’, and the cartoon series Beavis and Rutt-Head.

'The BBC should play a greater role in Rutland - portraying and shaping the Rutland identity,' he added.

A BBC spokesperson said: 'The BBC is committed to audiences in Rutland and indeed everywhere in Great Britain, and to all of the media and creative businesses based in Rutland, if indeed there are any.'  He went on to say that Rutland had benefited economically because two episodes of "tweet of the day" on Radio 4 were recorded nearby, and a part-time BBC researcher had lived in Oakham until 2012.