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A speech due to be made by the Chancellor in preparation for his budget announcement will say that the "Low-Hanging" fruit in departmental budgets has been successively harvested by previous Tory Chancellors and although there is abundant fruit on higher branches, it would require a cherry picker to reach.
He will say that whereas in the past, Eastern Europeans who worked in the exchequer were qualified to drive cherry pickers since it was part of their school curriculum, getting certification to drive one as required by the Health and Safety Executive, has never been part of the English school curriculum, who is more biased towards obtaining qualifications in the King James' Bible.
Some parts of the Tory Party have suggested that offering short-term asylum for Manston immigrants with cherry picker certification and experience of national budgets may help the chancellor reach a fairer budget in these difficult times, the Home Secretary is opposed to this, saying their Rwanda flights had already been paid for and it would be a waste of taxpayers money if they weren't on the planes.
image from pixabay
The chancellor, Kwasi Kwarteng, is reported to have cleared a space on a side cabinet for an Employee of the Month award.
"He's surprisingly optimistic.", said a treasury spokesman. "I have explained that destroying the pound, humiliating the party and pushing mortgage rates through the roof isn't an ideal start to a career."
Your reporter repeated these reservations to Mr Kwarteng who responded, "Well, I think you'll find there's more to the job that running the economy. I carried a tray of champagne for some mates at a do the other day and they seemed jolly appreciative; that counts for something."
When it was pointed out that the Treasury doesn't actually have an employee of the month award. Mr Kwarteng responded, "Well, it will after my conference speech. And might I add, I've a really tidy desk; the prime-minister asked me to clear it this morning."
photo: https://pixabay.com/users/mohamed_hassan-5229782/
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