Unarmed man found at Trump golf resort

Security forces have discovered a 'highly suspicious' character wandering around Donald Trump’s golf course in Rancho Palos Verdes.

'The man didn't have so much as a pea-shooter,' explained Sergeant Bangbang of the California police. 'I don't know what he was thinking of. Luckily we carry a spare Glock in the trunk, so he was able to obey his right to carry and we sent him on his way.'

Image credit: Wix AI

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China's "Clonehenge" forces ancient UK monument to close

"We just have to accept the forces of global competition," said a spokes-druid for English Heritage. "The UK has lost its lead to a country which can build ancient monuments better, faster and cheaper.

China's first "Clonehenge" - an exact replica of the complete Stones as they stood in 2,500 BCE, made from 3D printed authentic Stone Age-look cement, will go on display in Dubai over Christmas.

Others will be unveiled in the new year at Disney sites in California, Florida and Paris - available either in classic cerise or day-glow orange.

"We've seen bookings to visit the actual Stones plummet," lamented the English Heritage spokes-henge, "as people opt for imitation paleolithic pagan temples which are close to major airports and shopping malls.

"I can't blame them. Our own mysterious stone circle offering is way out in the wilds of Wiltshire and looks downright dilapidated.

"That's why we're accepting the inevitable, and liquidating Stonehenge. We'll be grinding down the pillars and lintels and selling them to China so it can make even more replica sacred circles for the modern age.

"Soon every country will have its own amazing megalithic tourist attraction," said an AI-bot for state-backed manufacturers Happy Joy Clonehenge Imitations.

"You won't have to walk through cowpats to reach our monuments, and you won't have to waste your time wondering who built them, or how, or why.

"They were knocked out in a factory in Fuchao within the space of a week to make us monumental loads of money."

image from pixabay

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