'If you're a fan of the IDF Merkava,' said a spokes-gasket for the Likud Hard Right Coalition Motor Corporation, 'then you'll love this unbelievably unpleasant civilian counterpart we've brought onto the market: the West Bank Settler Extreme.
'The Settler is an all-terrain vehicle, meaning that it will ride roughshod over any Palestinian farmer in the West Bank and take all his terrain.
"And it comes complete with a licence - a licence to do whatever the hell it likes while the Israeli police turn a blind eye.'
The head of Likud Motors, Benjamin Netanyahu, said, 'I got a great deal on a fleet of Settlers. They vote for me and my hard-right cronies. In return, I let them seize all the land they like in the occupied territories to build settlements on.
'So see how the Settler Extreme performs in trials,' gushed the spokes-sprocket, 'as it sets light to a West Bank village and never goes on trial for the crime.
'And make sure to order your Settler Extreme today - bearing in mind that our Settlers are totally disorderly and violent in the extreme.'
Image credit: ChatGPT
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Vehicle parking spaces at Kendal's Westmorland Shopping Centre have been widened from the standard 2.4m wide to 2.6m wide.
This was needed because modern cars are suffering an obesity crisis and are much wider than older ones. For example, a classic Mini was just over 1.4 metres wide but the modern equivalent is almost 2 metres wide. This is an impressive example of middle-aged spread.
Despite the best efforts of green politicians, climate activists, and that old guy across the road who just won't shut up about it and who moans about it to anyone who happens to be passing his house, car manufacturers have done nothing to address the issue.
Motorists with wide cars should perhaps consider if they are themselves too wide. Maybe they should be giving the McDonald's drive-thru a wide berth?
Image credit: ChatGPT
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