Police ask undercover reporters to stop investigating Reform

Police chiefs have expressed ‘irritation’ and ‘dismay’ after learning of yet another journalist exposing dodgy dealings by Nigel Farage’s current political party.

‘It’s a lot of work’, a spokesman confirmed. ‘We have to interview people, look through accounts – it’s fucking tedious. Everyone knows they’re dodgy – couldn’t we just accept that and move on? Nobody makes us raid the thousands of money-laundering shops on the high street – we all just shrug and get on with our day. Why can’t these journalists just leave crime alone for a bit?’

Nigel Farage was unavailable for comment as he was reorganising his gold. 

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Coming Soon to Channel Four

Channel Four has been watching the success of the Celebrity Traitors over the ordinary shitty-people-like-you-and-me version of The Traitors with much interest.  They are now to start televising a celebrity version of Naked Attraction.  Nigel Farage has already signed up, but there is a fee so of course he has.

Author: robfalconer

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New series of Hunted to feature escaped criminals

With 262 prisoners released in error, the government has begged C4 to find them again. The new series will show understaffed prison guards leaving doors unlocked, while elite bounty hunters catch the criminals with large butterfly nets.

There has been a 50% increase in accidental releases, which means no need for cakes baked with files in them. In fact, there are more criminals now living in the wild than beavers.

Said one hunter: 'In theory these molestors and crooks could be anywhere, but in practise most are in the Labour cabinet.'

image from google gemini