Celebrity Country Swap

Channel 4 has pitched a new reality TV show based on the Alaska summit where President Putin humiliated the entire United States in minutes.

'The summit was a great idea,' said a Channel 4 spokesman today, 'but using a tired, washed out former reality presenter to host the show ruined it.

'Our pitch is to repeat the summit but this time to complete the process and exchange whole countries. For example, with Vladimir hosting the show he could swap, say, Ukraine for, I don't know, the Isle of Wight. The Isle of Wight would, obviously, be controlled by Russia because, well that's what Vlad suggested,' he added.

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Channel 4 goes to its room and refuses to come out

In a fit of pique, Channel 4 has stomped off to its room and is refusing to come out for the next four years. Distraught at the US Election result the channel has refused to listen to any and all appeals for it to come back and play.

“It’s not fair. It’s just not fair!” could be heard as it rejected all entreaties. BBC1 admitted it did its best, but feeling pretty low itself gave up and headed for the nearest wine bar.

A spokesperson reassured fans of the channel that it would be back. “I’m sure we can entice it out if we promise to change our daytime favourite show to Countdown To Doomsday.”

Image: Kelly Sikkema (@kellysikkema) | Unsplash Photo Community

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Dodgy guys tricked into going to desert island

Following Philip Scofield’s decision to take part in a reality show, in which we watch him struggle to survive on a desert island, there are reports that a number of other alleged dodgy guys have followed suit.

So far Huw Edwards, Harvey Weinstein, Bill Cosby, R Kelly and Gary Glitter (real name Paul Gadd) have signed up to take part in a similar show, with the aim of rehabilitating their reputations with the public, according to a TV insider.

However, it seems none of them were informed that the others would be present, or that the supply ship wouldn’t be returning after dropping them off on the remote island.

”It’s a sort of creepy Lord of the Flies,” said the programme maker Oliver Matcha. “We feel the public will enjoy seeing these vile men turning on each other in panic, as their supplies dwindle and they face the very real prospect of starvation. I only wish Savile, Harris, Epstein and al Fayed could be there too.

“It’s a bit dark for a weekday evening show, I grant you. To be honest, I think Channel 4 only said yes because they were thinking of Lord of the Rings. But if they’re expecting hobbits, dwarves and magic rings, they’ll be disappointed.

”But the rest of us will get to enjoy the likes of Roman Polanski and Jonathan King scratching each other’s eyes out over half a rotten mango.”

image from pixabay