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An announcement today from the beleaguered Prince Andrew in that he will host a tell-all podcast called 'Stripped' where he will bear all in regard to his troubled history. He will be referred to in the podcast as Andy Windsor and will adopt a posh, shock-jock style.


'Yah, I'm really going to go there,' he said in a video announcement. 'I'm going to blow the lid of all the scandals that have been falsely pinned on me; we'll discuss all the things that keep us up at night, like the deep state and chem trails, and we'll all have some fun with our guests along the way.'


Initial guests are said to include Sarah Ferguson, Prince Harry, Bill Clinton, David Icke, Lee Anderson, Russell Brand and Joe Rogan. Those who have heard the first excerpts say that it is explosive and could rock the Royal Family forever. Subjects discussed were fork and spoon placement gaffes, sweat, Andy's 'Randy List' of women that interest him, the deep Royal state, and an Andrew versus Charles wrestling simulation (Andrew wins by submission).


The first episode will come out before Christmas, and the series will be sponsored by Pizza Express.



Image credit: Titanic Belfast, CC BY 2.0 <https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0>, via Wikimedia Commons. Text added.



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Rumours persist that the death of the Monarch is being concealed - at least until the next slow news day. These whispers have been exasperated by sightings of Prince Charles, laughing maniacally in a new frock.

The press has noted panic buying of black armbands and corgi shaped floral bouquets. The Prime Minister, himself, is said to have already block-booked all available slots of 'two minutes of silence.'

A palace spokeswoman confirmed: 'The Queen was seen alive and well at a local Pizza Express.'



First published 24 Feb 2022



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"Greetings, dear reader. I am the Ghost of Christmas Future. Come with me on a short journey, to our first Carolean Christmas…


"‘Tis Christmas Eve. Scrooge Kwarteng sits in his office, enjoying a postprandial brandy and cigar. Above a roaring fire, the mantelpiece is filled with Christmas cards from his rich friends. No wonder, for Scrooge’s tax cuts have made them much richer this year.


"Across the land, shops are filled with people, but most are not there to buy festive food and gifts, for they have nothing to spend. They are there for warmth, as these are Hard Times, and only the rich can afford to heat their homes. Those lucky enough to have a few coins loiter near the fresh food, hoping to grab some yellow stickered items before the shops close. Among these is Roberta Cratchit, a hard-working nurse. She hopes her salary will stretch to a few items from the supermarket’s Pauper Range, so her family need not go hungry on Christmas Day. Roberta wishes she could afford a Christmas present for her sick son, Tiny Tom. Malnutrition has given Tom rickets and anaemia, but the NHS is underfunded, and Tom can’t get a GP appointment, never mind the hospital treatment he needs.


"The queue from a nearby food bank stretches for miles, but there is not enough food to go round, as few can afford to donate during this cost of living crisis. Angry murmurings are heard as two TV presenters dodge the queue, but Holly and Phil have media passes, so the rules of common decency do not apply to them.


"The surrounding streets are lined with makeshift tents, occupied by those who can no longer afford a roof over their heads. A police constable passes by – a rare sight in these times of government cutbacks. The tents should not be there, but he does not have the heart to move these people on. He will soon join this illegal campsite himself, for his salary is no longer enough for the basic necessities of life.


"Yet Scrooge Kwarteng does not care about any of this, as he sits by his fireside. Wait - who the Dickens is this spectral figure, entering Scrooge’s office? Is it the Ghost of Christmas Past? No, it is Jacob Rees-Mogg, joining Scrooge for brandy and cigars, before Nanny puts him to bed.


"It is the worst of times… it is the worst of times."


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