Pelosi criticised for ‘inflammatory’ trip to Narnia

Nancy Pelosi has stirred up a geopolitical storm by visiting Deadwater Island, a contested territory off the Narnian mainland whose populace continue to claim independence under the rule of self-appointed King Caspian.

Observers warn of increased retaliatory action by the Mighty Imperial Narnian Lion, with warships including the Dawn Treader patrolling the area, and sightings of weaponised dragons overhead. There are also fears of disruption to international supply chains of Turkish Delight, enchanted rings, and animatronic beavers, the island’s bizarre main exports.

Commenting from the Oval Office War Drobe, President Tumnus said: ‘This is not an officially sanctioned visit by the Daughter of Eve, and talking equine negotiators are aiming to lower tensions in time to restore Christmas. Oh! I’ve dropped all my packages again, silly faun. Please don’t report me to the White Witch- I mean, Mrs Tumnus.’

Image by Jr Korpa on Unsplash

Chinese chess set

Manc technology - or at least terminology - banned from China

China has responded to the UK government's decision to exclude technology developed by the University of Manchester on 'national security grounds'. Professor Win Kin of the Peoples Republic of China, chief liaison with the University of Manchester for the last four years expressed he was 'dead pissed' at the news. He claimed the relationship with the university was 'dead sound, like mint, innit' and he has been surprised that the agreement has 'gone dawn the ginnel' and suggested that the government should meet up with him 'for a brew'. He denied he'd gone native.

The Ambassador for the Peoples Republic suggested that while the loss of potentially multi-billions worth of technology was a disappointment, given the standard of vocabulary demonstrated by Mr Win Kin 'perhaps it's for the best'.

Car Building Signs - Free photo on Pixabay