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After the disappointment there will be no Christmas Dr Who Special this year, there's a renewed buzz within the Whovian community following news Steven Spielberg has his sights set on making the fourth big screen outing for the the Poundland Sci-fi icon.


Speaking at a publicity event in London where he's promoting his current blockbuster, Disclosure Day, the ET Supremo told members of the press.


'I'm really excited to be getting a crack at this and can announce we've now secured full funding for the project. I have a bank account set aside in LA with the doctor's name on it that's got six hundred greenbacks ready and waiting. The whole shebang marked for shooting, including all special effects and actors' fees, in a production that's sure to amaze existing and new fans alike.'


Six hundred dollars already dwarfs the budget of all three previous movies by ten times so fans are said to be drooling in expectation. It's understood the new production with a working title of: Dr Me, That's Who, will see the sonic screwdriving hero pitted once again against his nemeses, none other than the diabolical Daleks.


Mister Spielberg also shared this juicy titbit. 'The Daleks, now let me see, yeah, in their fifty-seventh iteration, will be truly terrifying with their voices alone guaranteed to terrify anyone who hears them. I have secured none other RFK Junior as the voice artist. So no need for ring modulators or any of that fancy sound manipulation equipment. Bob will just be speaking in his everyday voice. Which alone is enough to scare the shit out of a statue.'






After the rejection of the latest pay offer by members, and in anticipation of strikes until the end of the year, the nurses union has just released its charity Christmas single, eight months early.


A spokesperson said that the money from sales of the single will be used to help nurses with their food and energy bills.


The charity single is a reworking of the 12 days of Christmas and celebrates daily life in the NHS. The lyrics are as follows


On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me

Twelve lawsuits coming

Eleven MPs sniping

Ten doctors beeping

No pay financing

Eight nurses wilting

Seven bedpans brimming

Six patients paying

Five cold meals

Four bawling babs

Three French SRNs

Two rubber gloves

And a single doctor left in A&E


The nurses union explained that the song is ‘just a bit of fun’ and that NHS patients should not expect to see ten doctors when they visit hospital, unless there is a picket line. They also wanted to make clear that NHS food is usually served hot (or lukewarm for meetings about pay negotiations) and is very nutritious. The reference to five cold meals is about the food at weekends and bank holidays, when another tray of sandwiches and a banana can feel a bit disappointing.



First published 23 April 2023


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A significant minority of UK households still have their Christmas decorations up. With the start of Christmas occurring earlier and earlier, many British citizens are arguing that unless the decorations are taken down on Boxing Day at the latest it's hardly worth the effort of stripping them down, removing all the batteries, boxing them up, carrying them up to the attic and putting them in front of the boxes holding the Easter bunnies and the Halloween artifacts. 


'By the time I've taken them up I'll be moving all the boxes to gain access to the Easter tat,' said Bill today. 'Then before you know it the skeletons, plastic pumpkins and the tacky Halloween wreaths will need to be brought out, then - wham! it's August and the Christmas tree needs to be pushed back into use,' Bill added.  'So I leave the tree up all year round.  It frees up a load of space in the attic for other stuff like the sofa, armchairs and plants.  A bit of a win-win, really,' he said.

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