Reindeer demand parity with Elves

Santa is tightening his belt after checking his pay slip, twice, and finding his salary has not risen. His per hour rate is the same as last Christmas, a mince pie and a glass of whisky.

Elves, on the other hand, but have seen a slight bump in average pay compared to last year with twice much being provided in the four main food groups, candy, candy canes, candy corn, and syrup .

A spokesdeer for the Union of Santa's Distributor and Reindeer (USDAR), Red Rudolf, admitted piles oats are spread in the gardens to attract and reward them, but these has been (literally) frozen for years.

He added, "We are expected to fly o'er the housetops with a, very difficult to manoeuvre, sleigh full of toys. I myself have the added responsibility of guiding the team, even on a foggy Christmas Eve. As the leader of the team, and elected representative of the transport workers, Santa's response is to just whistle and shout at me. All the other reindeer laugh and call me names. I am asking for a little more recognition and commensurate compensation for our hard work, a little less stick, and a bit more carrot!"

image from pixabay

Starmer scours the shops for that must have Xmas present

There is always one thing at Christmas that turns out to be the ‘must have’ present and is nowhere to be found.

Remember searching for that Tracy Island toy, or Pokémon, or Cabbage Patch dolls?

Everyone is afflicted, even the Prime Minister.  Keir Starmer’s top team are scouring all the shopping centres inside the M25 on his behalf.  And Keir himself has taken a long lunch break to search the shops on Oxford Street in London.  All to no avail.

Keir is desperately searching for the perfect Christmas gift for the UK electorate.  It is called ‘good news’, but this has been in very short supply since June 2024.  Keir has come close to finding some good news, but at the last minute it is always snatched from his grasp.  He’s even tried sourcing good news from overseas, but without success.

The ending of the two-child cap seems like good news, but if you don’t also raise the benefits cap, then it’s not as good as it looks.  Supporting our pubs seems like good news, but successive hikes in minimum wage and whacking up business rates have ruined that one.  Inflation coming down seems like good news, but if the price of food keeps going up, then that’s not so good.  Reducing electricity bills by £150 also seems like good news, but if you then load on all the costs of upgrading the national grid, then the good work is undone.

So, the search continues.  Good luck, Keir.  Only seven more shopping days to Christmas...

image from pixabay

BDSM club out on the lash for Christmas

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