Prominent Youtuber Explains Current Heatwave

Youtuber Arthur Brain has posted a video explaining to his three million subscribers just why the third heatwave of the UK summer is proof that his theory is correct and the bunkum about global warming spouted by 'scientists' is pure fantasy

Brain, 19, maintains that the sun has actually been moved closer to Earth by God because too many people moaned about the cold.

'It's obvious' he said, 'The sun was a safe distance of 93 miles from Earth and has been moved 5 miles and is now only 88 miles away. Try looking at it. You can't, can you? It appears so much brighter than it used to be. Scientists claim that it is 93 MILLION miles away. How absurd. Do they really think it would be visible from 93 million miles away? 

And how on Earth could they measure that distance? They must think we're stupid. To see it from 93 million miles away you would have to at least use a telescope and crane your neck. The ONLY way to get God to put the Sun back in its usual place is to pray to him begging forgiveness for scientists, and to send me money in order that I can continue to expose the lies.'

image from Google Gemini

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Voters of Clacton to decide whether climate change is real

As the UK swelters in the third heatwave of the summer, it was announced today that the people of Clacton in Essex will be given the chance to rule on whether climate change is a real thing or “just an establishment stitch-up”.

“Yes, these things were once decided by scientists with qualifications,” said spokesman Dave Concrete of the Reform Party, which organised the poll. “Just as you might, say, get forensic accountants to go through a politician’s finances to determine whether he’s corrupt.

“But we all know ‘expert’ is just another word for ‘the establishment’, and it’s time the issue was put to the people instead.”

Early indications are that Clactonians haven’t quite understood the question, instead telling pollsters that the weather was “gawjus” and they might have an ice cream.

image from Grok

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Climate change 'no longer deniable' as sun comes out in Aberdeen

Scientists studying anthropogenic climate change say they now have incontrovertible evidence proving the truth of the theory - the sun has come out in Aberdeen.

'When it’s 40 degrees in London and the South East, there’ll always be people saying it’s just a heatwave, doesn’t prove anything.

”But when the sun comes out in Aberdeen, you know you’ve reached a point where our traditional understanding of climate is broken, and we’re in uncharted territory.'

Reports say the natives of Aberdeen reacted in terror to the big yellow apparition in the sky, some worshipping it as a god. while others took refuge in traditional sources of comfort, such as deep fried foods, whisky and intravenous drugs.

The authorities say it was lucky the sun wasn’t out long enough to dry out the puddles or damp stains on the walls, or they couldn’t be responsible for how people would have reacted.

Image: ChatGPT (edited)