Misunderstanding sees Redditch man wait twelve hours to be served in Starbucks

Brian Wilson from Redditch was kept waiting in Starbucks for over twelve hours after entering the shop with the intention of buying a coffee and sandwich for his breakfast.

He explains: "Can I get a latte and sausage sandwich?" I said ," the barista confirmed I could, but instead of getting my stuff she moved on to the next person in line. I was then left standing there for twelve hours while the team served a succession of customers.'

Part-time crew member and undergraduate student reading English at Oxford, Jocasta Smythe-Cramlington commented: 'I told Mr Wilson, yes, he could certainly get those items. But the thing is... at no time did he actually ask for them.

'We're always rammed with customers placing orders so I needed to get on and serve them or I'd have my manager on my back. People can't expect me to have psychic powers.'

In the end Brian never got his coffee and sandwich because by the time he actually said: 'Can I order a latte and sausage bap, please?" it was 7.15pm and they'd sold out so he went for a kebab instead.

Photo by AK on Unsplash

New coffee cup lid promises to soak your entire shirt

'We wanted to develop something that would leave you arid but your chest drenched. The current industry standard is 25% liquid in your mouth, 75% in your lap - but we felt we could go full soggy bottom.

'Having had success with our exploding milk pots and pointless stick stirrers, we thought it was time to finally make a lid that doesn't work. We had an early ill-fitting prototype, where the lid would just fall off, but that was too obvious. The trick is not giving the game away. We needed a lid that looked fully functional but was in fact a fire hose.

'All drinks become defacto decaffeinated, as no caffeine will touch your lips. And everyone's shirt gets an instant clean, as long as you like brown stains.'

Image: 99mimimi - Pixabay

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N. Ireland Assembly breaks up in acrimonious tea/coffee row

The Northern Ireland Assembly, which only today resumed business after a two year hiatus, has unfortunately broken up again in a row about whether members should be served tea or coffee during debates.

'My community has enjoyed the Great British cup of tea for generations,' bellowed Dr Ian Wingnut of the Demented Unstable Party. 'If my legitimate and peaceful demand for tea is not met, there will be violent reprisals.'

'Tea is a British imperialist imposition and my community utterly rejects it,' snarled Spuddy Spud McSpudderson of the Definitely No Links To Terrorists Party. 'Give me coffee - preferably a decaf latte, no sugar - or give me death.'

At this point, Fionnula Sandalista of the centrist Alliance party suggested that perhaps members could choose whether they preferred tea or coffee on an individual basis. This was immediately denounced as "drift" and 'moral relativism' by both the main parties.

The situation was almost resolved when the caretaker announced that power to the building was cut off during the hiatus and hadn’t been restored yet, so hot drinks of any kind were impossible. He offered to nip out to a coffee shop for them, only for the assembly to break up in an acrimonious row about whether they preferred Caffè Nero or Costa.

Image: Clay Banks (@claybanks) | Unsplash Photo Community