top of page

A village shop has been damaged in an attempted burglary. Following a report of men acting suspiciously with a sheep, Surrey Police despatched officers to the Co-op in Rowledge.


A passing shepherd witnessed the attack. He described a black SUV that stopped outside the store late at night. Two men in hoodies emerged from the vehicle, with a Boreray Blackface ram. The men then used the ram in an unsuccessful attempt to open the shop’s front door, but fled the scene, empty-handed.


Surrey Police spokesperson Russell Slaughter said, ‘Our working theory is that two local villains have attempted to use AI to plan their ram raid, with disastrous consequences. We are appealing to the Boreray Blackface to turn itself in and to grass up the other members of the gang. The ram may have been trafficked from the Orkneys in a small boat, and we believe that it was probably coerced into taking part.


‘We would also like to interview the two men about the theft of RAM from a computer store last week, as we believe that the two crimes may be related.'



Image credit: Wix AI



Why not join our WhatsApp channel, NewsBiscuit Daily Posts? You can access the latest output from NewsBiscuit and share posts easily with friends, family and colleagues using WhatsApp. Get some biscuits in your pocket (sorry about the crumbs, though) by clicking here




Anticipating that brown envelopes full of cash may dry up once he is ejected from No. 10, Boris Johnson is working with computer game developers on something new and original.


Tory intern Henry Hootington-Hurst said 'Your character is Prime Minister and faces serious real-world challenges. However you get points for charging around causing chaos, partying, getting laid and lining the pockets of you and your mates.'


Game developer Luke Lyle said 'I renamed Untitled Goose Game, and took their money.'


Hootington-Hurst continued 'Turns out, we've changed one letter from an existing game. Now an 'E' instead of a 'U'. Suella Braverman's legal view is that it's all the EU's fault anyway. Anyone who says otherwise is an enemy of the people.'


Lyle did not anticipate an enquiry into the money spent. 'What are the Tories going to do? Track and Trace me?'


Why not join our WhatsApp channel, NewsBiscuit Daily Posts? You can access the latest output from NewsBiscuit and share posts easily with friends, family and colleagues using WhatsApp. Get some biscuits in your pocket (sorry about the crumbs, though) by clicking here.



First published 19 Aug 2022


If you enjoyed this archive item, why not buy thousands of archive stories found in our eBooks, paperbacks and hardbacks?














bottom of page