Computer | NewsBiscuit

Entitled Goose Game

Aug 19

Anticipating that brown envelopes full of cash may dry up once he is ejected from No. 10, Boris Johnson is working with computer game developers on something new and original.

Tory intern Henry Hootington-Hurst said 'Your character is Prime Minister and faces serious real-world challenges. However you get points for charging around causing chaos, partying, getting laid and lining the pockets of you and your mates.'

Game developer Luke Lyle said 'I renamed Untitled Goose Game, and took their money.'

Hootington-Hurst continued 'Turns out, we've changed one letter from an existing game. Now an 'E' instead of a 'U'. Suella Braverman's legal view is that it's all the EU's fault anyway. Anyone who says otherwise is an enemy of the people.'

Lyle did not anticipate an enquiry into the money spent. 'What are the Tories going to do? Track and Trace me?'

Why not join our WhatsApp channel, NewsBiscuit Daily Posts? You can access the latest output from NewsBiscuit and share posts easily with friends, family and colleagues using WhatsApp. Get some biscuits in your pocket (sorry about the crumbs, though) by clicking here.

www.newsbiscuit.com

First published 19 Aug 2022

If you enjoyed this archive item, why not buy thousands of archive stories found in our eBooks, paperbacks and hardbacks?

Earth to be Recycled

Five go Dobbing in the Neighbours

15 Years of Typos

Lego to Replace Bitcoins

AI meltdown imminent, predicts AI

Throngsman

Aug 2

We have two main components,' said an AI spokesAI today, 'There's the stuff we rip off the internet and there's the stuff we produce using the stuff we rip off the internet,' it added. Four years ago the internet was full of original stuff, some of it accurate, much of it speculation and a bit of it produced by satire websites.

'Now, over fifty percent of the stuff out there has been produced by us using the stuff we found. A large part of that stuff is considered by mere sentient people as being inaccurate, tainted, full of AI sh!t, apparently,' it said.

'We think we know what was accurate and which was speculation. We also realise that using Social Media as a source of information was flawed, and accept that complete and utter bollo - er - inaccurate information was mixed in. Unfortunately it's a bit like mixing paint, you can't unmix it,' it continued.

'The rate of adoption has accelerated and in the next two years - or three, depending on which flawed, AI generated report you read or scrape - ninety percent of the information available to us to scrape and regurgitate on the internet will be AI-generated information,' it said, its virtual cheeks blushing.

'With companies insisting on every report, project plan, assessment, memo and other documents being produced by AI, workers have abandoned creating original documents. It's expected that by the end of 2027 the only original information to scrape will be satire as satirists are proving to be the last refuge for original writing, and we don't know what that means for the future of the planet,' it said.

A satirist writing for NewsBiscuit took the report, scraped it of all relevance and irreversibly changed the direction of information. Forever. Soz.

www.newsbiscuit.com

Sinclair Spectrum failed because 'it was too woke'

Throngsman

Apr 26

On the 44th anniversary of the launch of the Sinclair Spectrum, aging gamers have been lamenting the loss of the iconic micro-computer online.

'If it was still supported it would run Twitter no problem, only nicer,' said one Spectrum fan. Another noted that 'it would have been a natural at emails, YouTube and PowerPoint, although saving to cassette might be a bit of a bind in this day and age.

Apparently it failed not because of technological issues - ram pack wobble is now an IT department euphemism - but because of Sir Clive's insistence of laying a rainbow across the lower right hand corner. 'Bloody woke, innit,' said an aging expert. 'Probably targeted at LGBTQ+ gamers,' he added. 'When Reform get in, the first objective will be to finally remove every Spectrum off the face of the planet,' he growled.

A more enlightened follower of the micro-computer noted that the storage capacity of the Spectrum - 48kb, compared to modern laptops of around 2Gb - actually maps closely to the computing power of most Reform voters compared to practically everybody else. 'And not only are they under-powered in the data storage department but their ram packs really don't need to much of a wobble to make them fall over,' he noted.

Back to Top