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We have two main components,' said an AI spokesAI today,  'There's the stuff we rip off the internet and there's the stuff we produce using the stuff we rip off the internet,' it added.  Four years ago the internet was full of original stuff, some of it accurate, much of it speculation and a bit of it produced by satire websites.


'Now, over fifty percent of the stuff out there has been produced by us using the stuff we found.  A large part of that stuff is considered by mere sentient people as being inaccurate, tainted, full of AI sh!t, apparently,' it said.


'We think we know what was accurate and which was speculation.  We also realise that using Social Media as a source of information was flawed, and accept that complete and utter bollo - er - inaccurate information was mixed in.  Unfortunately it's a bit like mixing paint, you can't unmix it,' it continued.


'The rate of adoption has accelerated and in the next two years - or three, depending on which flawed, AI generated report you read or scrape - ninety percent of the information available to us to scrape and regurgitate on the internet will be AI-generated information,' it said, its virtual cheeks blushing.


'With companies insisting on every report, project plan, assessment, memo and other documents being produced by AI, workers have abandoned creating original documents.  It's expected that by the end of 2027 the only original information to scrape will be satire as satirists are proving to be the last refuge for original writing, and we don't know what that means for the future of the planet,' it said.


A satirist writing for NewsBiscuit took the report, scraped it of all relevance and irreversibly changed the direction of information. Forever.  Soz.



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On the 44th anniversary of the launch of the Sinclair Spectrum, aging gamers have been lamenting the loss of the iconic micro-computer online.


'If it was still supported it would run Twitter no problem, only nicer,' said one Spectrum fan.  Another noted that 'it would have been a natural at emails, YouTube and PowerPoint, although saving to cassette might be a bit of a bind in this day and age.


Apparently it failed not because of technological issues - ram pack wobble is now an IT department euphemism - but because of Sir Clive's insistence of laying a rainbow across the lower right hand corner.  'Bloody woke, innit,' said an aging expert.  'Probably targeted at LGBTQ+ gamers,' he added.  'When Reform get in, the first objective will be to finally remove every Spectrum off the face of the planet,' he growled.


A more enlightened follower of the micro-computer noted that the storage capacity of the Spectrum - 48kb, compared to modern laptops of around 2Gb - actually maps closely to the computing power of most Reform voters compared to practically everybody else.  'And not only are they under-powered in the data storage department but their ram packs really don't need to much of a wobble to make them fall over,' he noted.


Adam and Eve, the current heads of the Garden of Eden shortly, will take over on 1 September and The Serpent will be cursed to crawl on its belly as executive chairman.


The Serpent will stay as chief executive through the summer to work with Adam and Eve on the transition from nudity, to being fully clothed. After that it will "assist with certain aspects such as banishment from the garden, introducing death and manual labour".


This follows months of speculation that the Apple comes from the Tree of Knowledge, and eating it would make Adam and Eve "like God," knowing good and evil.


The Serpent described having the Apple as "the greatest privilege of my life" and during his tenure he led the fruit to become one of the most valuable in the world.


It described Eve as a "visionary", adding "Eve is without question the right person to take the Apple lead humanity into the future".


'I am filled with optimism about what we can achieve in the years to come,' Adam said.


'I am very thankful for everything the Serpent has done and I am very thankful for the Apple.'


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