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Adam and Eve, the current heads of the Garden of Eden shortly, will take over on 1 September and The Serpent will be cursed to crawl on its belly as executive chairman.


The Serpent will stay as chief executive through the summer to work with Adam and Eve on the transition from nudity, to being fully clothed. After that it will "assist with certain aspects such as banishment from the garden, introducing death and manual labour".


This follows months of speculation that the Apple comes from the Tree of Knowledge, and eating it would make Adam and Eve "like God," knowing good and evil.


The Serpent described having the Apple as "the greatest privilege of my life" and during his tenure he led the fruit to become one of the most valuable in the world.


It described Eve as a "visionary", adding "Eve is without question the right person to take the Apple lead humanity into the future".


'I am filled with optimism about what we can achieve in the years to come,' Adam said.


'I am very thankful for everything the Serpent has done and I am very thankful for the Apple.'





Following reports that NASA have 'got around to updating' its Mars Rover operating system, only 18 years since the last update, tech experts in the NHS have considered following suit. 'We knew our Windows 98 software was in need of an update and felt the systems were in danger of being hacked by Nigerian fraudsters,' said a NASA spokesman today, 'so we uploaded the 2004 April patch. It took hours, not because Mars is so far away, but because, well, it's Windows.'


IT experts working for the NHS have concluded that such an update is possible. 'If we update the central server to a Pentium and fit a CD drive we might be able to load Windows 95,' said one expert, musing if the updated spec would be compatible with the industry standard Spectrum computers. 'We might even consider fitting monitors as well, given the ticker-tape machines are wearing out a bit,' he added.


First published 29 June 2022



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