Another massive compo payout for the ill-informed and easily manipulated

In a further blow for all the people who read the small print, they will miss out yet again on free money.

The otherwise pristine reputation of car salesman has been tarnished by a court judgement on car finance 'secret' commission payments. Anyone who meticulously sourced their own finance and didn’t just nod and sign when buying a car may miss out on a wad of compensation spondoolicks.

Reading a carefully worded statement, a representative of all the people who are cautious and diligent when undertaking large financial transactions said: 'Dammit, not again!'

The PPI scandal (Payment Protection Insurance), not the PPE scandal (Personal Protective Equipment), was a massive score for anyone who didn't decline the blatant needless extra costs that were greedily added by banks. Compensation for PPI mis-selling was a major act of justice that prevented banks from committing fraud for several weeks.

Although not as complicated as another classic bank mis-selling technique known as the Interest Rate Swap switcheroo, which at least made the effort of being deliberately confusing, this cheeky manoeuvre on car finance was as basic as just hiding the commission details.

A nodding fool exclaimed, 'Yes Boieee! I am a financial genius and will learn nothing!'

Photo by Stockcake: chequebook-illustration-art_557595_195734

Judges urged to leave out the 'preachy bit'

Mr Justice Bufton-Tufton was about to pass sentence in the case of a particularly heinous murder when he was crestfallen to receive a memo from the Law Society, calling on judges to leave out the 'preachy, self-righteous bit' to save time.

'The Criminal Justice system is hopelessly backed up, and we’re very conscious that justice delayed is justice denied,' ran the memo. 'Obviously we need to give barristers sufficient time to present evidence, cross-examine witnesses and so forth. And the jury must of course be allowed all the time they need to reach a fair verdict.'

The memo concludes that the only area in which they can legitimately look for time savings is the self-indulgent speeches judges make. The new guidelines call for them simply to pass sentence on the defendant 'without getting all Mills and Boon about it.'

'It’s such a pity,” said Bufton-Tufton. 'I’d written an absolute corker for this case. 'You seem a particularly cold-hearted and callous individual… the innocent young life you took… the broken hearts of her loved ones… the hole in their lives that will never be filled…’. Would have had the jury in tears, I guarantee it.

'And now they want me just to say ‘You will go to prison for 15 years.’ I mean, where’s the passion? Where’s the drama? Makes me wonder why I bothered becoming a judge in the first place.

“Thank god I still have my second job writing romantic fiction under the name Evangeline Devereaux… hang on, you’re not going to print that bit, are you?'

Picture credit: Wix AI (Judge in a wig - hilarious)

Australian protester to be tried in kangaroo court

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