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Downing Street parties now dominant strand of Johnson incompetence

Revelations of Downing Street parties during from the pandemic are growing exponentially, and are now the dominant strand of Boris Johnson incompetence, it has been revealed


'Earlier strands of incompetence from Johnson were quite virulent, for sure', noted one leading epidemiologist today. 'His newspaper writing for the Telegraph and Spectator are particularly toxic. And his general buffoonery has certainly transmitted widely in the community, and is probably best now seen as endemic.'


'But this latest strand is spreading like wildfire. It seems to be incubated particularly well by close bystanders to Johnson, but once airborne, it is taking hold just by standing close to a TV, or scrolling through your Twitter feed.'


The R number for reports of illegal gatherings at Number 10 during lockdown is now at 4.9, meaning for every party reported in the press, Dominic Cummings is frantically blogging away about 5 more.


Djokovic attended Downing Street lockdown party claim witnesses



The worlds much-loved number one tennis bellend is said to be amongst 370 people who attended the event in May 2020. The claim increases pressure on the worlds much-loved number one prime ministerial bellend. Mr Johnson says he can’t recall anything, can’t spell the word ‘party’ in any case, and strenuously denies even knowing who Djokovic is.


“Ah…um...well…jolly tricky all this. I did remember being introduced to some sporting chappie, but frankly, they all look the same after a couple of bottles of vintage Dom Perignon.’


A Downing Street spokesman denied that any rules had been broken apart from the ones that were: ‘There’s nothing in the rules to say that Mr Djokovic, who wasn’t here, by the way, cannot play tennis with senior cabinet ministers, who also weren’t here. There is also no truth in the spurious rumours that Prince Andrew, who didn't attend, served canapes, or that Melania Trump, who also wasn’t here, was fired out of a canon. Mind you, it was pretty bloody spectacular, even though no one was here and nothing happened.’





Djokovic is seen clicking his heels together & repeatedly saying 'There's no place like home'



Walking in the Media Blizzard of Oz, the embattled tennis player has become the poster boy for anti-vaccination – which makes a change from that Athena tennis girl scratching her butt.



A Judge has ruled whether he should have been in or out of the country, although it is still be referred to a Line Judge. In the meantime, Novak Djokovi will play in the Australian Open, while Covid will be left to play around in the crowd.



His assistant said: ‘We're not in Kansas anymore – although in Kansas they’d still insist on a vaccination’.





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