When politics lack teeth

Tooth Fairy receives secret payments from dentist cartel

The Tooth Fairy has been receiving payments into an offshore account from Dent International, a global conglomerate of arms dealers, property speculators and dentists.

Undeniable evidence shows that Ms Fairy encourages innocent children to lose their teeth, which creates work for "big dentistry".

Prime Minister Rishi Sunak has said he is "shocked" by the revelations. A Downing Street spokeswoman read from an under-prepared statement: 'We all give our children a token £5,000 when they lose a baby tooth. To discover that a supernatural finds it in her imaginary heart to take bribes from dentists leaves a bitter taste in the mouth.'

Prescott to offer free tooth extractions

Former deputy Prime Minister John 'Two Jabs' Prescott has offered to help reduce dire NHS Dentist waiting lists using his highly effective, no-nonsense procedure of punching voters squarely in the mush.

The erstwhile Labour heavyweight's offer comes at a time when only one in 10 NHS dental practices in UK are taking new patients for treatment under the health service, although nine out of 10 do still recommend this publication's patented Newspaste Gum & Tonic for all your other health requirements.

'He's good for anything slightly wobbly and you won't feel a thing for five to ten minutes after he's belted you,' promised the Yorkshire Slugger's manager. 'If it's not quite so loose then you might have to egg him first, and if it's really stuck in there then we've got Eric Cantona on call, but that's better if you need a few out, to be honest'.

A spokeswoman for Opposition Leader Kier Starmer dismissed the offer as 'another slap in the face for Joe Public' whilst conceding, 'It's good to know at least some members of the Labour Party aren't afraid of a good strike, even if it's directly to the jaw of the tax payer.'

Story: Pliskin

photo: https://pixabay.com/users/tonic-pics-3001971/