NHS to recruit dentists with screenings of "Marathon Man"

The NHS announced today it was planning to recruit new dentists with nationwide screenings of the film "Marathon Man".

The hard-hitting 1976 film, with its infamous dental torture scene, is credited with making thousands of people terrified to go to the dentist, whilst encouraging just as many others to join the profession.

Asked whether there wasn't a danger it would just encourage maladjusted sadists to apply, an NHS spokesman replied 'Well, yeah - dentists. That's the whole point.'

'Why else do you think people volunteer to spend their day poking around in other people's mouths? Without the thrill of 'accidentally' touching a nerve with the pointy metal thing now and then, there's not much to recommend it.'

'No point denying it,' said a spokesman for BAD, the British Association of Dentists. 'We all find ourselves muttering "Is it safe?" from time to time, before we 'carelessly' start drilling before the anaesthetic has taken effect. Still, whatever gets you through the day, eh?'

Image: Newsbiscuit

Famous dentist honoured with plaque

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Tooth Fairy receives secret payments from dentist cartel

The Tooth Fairy has been receiving payments into an offshore account from Dent International, a global conglomerate of arms dealers, property speculators and dentists.

Undeniable evidence shows that Ms Fairy encourages innocent children to lose their teeth, which creates work for "big dentistry".

Prime Minister Rishi Sunak has said he is "shocked" by the revelations. A Downing Street spokeswoman read from an under-prepared statement: 'We all give our children a token £5,000 when they lose a baby tooth. To discover that a supernatural finds it in her imaginary heart to take bribes from dentists leaves a bitter taste in the mouth.'