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Architects move into computing


Following criticism that luxury flats in Folkestone look like something out of the Flintstones, crestfallen architects are turning their skills to a less visible form of architecture: that inside computer CPUs.


The move promises to provide interesting challenges for the computing industry, as architects from Le Corbusier to Richard Rogers are well known for being visionary imbeciles who will typically design buildings that focus the sun’s rays so they can melt cars.


Nevertheless, the computing industry is gearing itself for the next generation of PCs by ditching the logo “Intel Inside” and replacing it with “It’s Mental in Here”. CPUs are likely to lose their sleek efficient appearance and be housed inside Brutalist concrete enclosures.


King Charles refused to comment on this latest venture for architects, saying that’s what heirs in waiting are for, however a source close to the king told Newsbiscuit that if anyone brought one of the new architecture computers inside Buckingham Palace they’d need to be careful that the king didn’t shoot it like his father would have.


Photo by S. Tsuchiya on Unsplash

Fashion designers confess: it’s mostly just insulation




The fashion world has been rocked to its core by revelations that clothing exists to keep us warm and cover our nakedness.


‘No, you’ve got that wrong’ said Stella (23), never been gainfully employed yet somehow expensively dressed. ‘Life is fashion. Fashion is life. What could be clearer?’


NewsBiscuit spoke to several fashionably dressed people in central London. They were all bloody annoying. All agreed that fashion is an art form, on a par with poetry or music. Or that other one.


Pablo (not his real name) is a fashion designer. He is wearing outlandish glasses and some kind of poncho. He only agreed to be interviewed on condition that we disguised his voice. After several attempts to explain that NewsBiscuit doesn’t have audio we gave up and promised to do it, so please pretend that this is being voiced by an actor.


‘I grew up believing in fashion the way other children believed in Father Christmas. All I ever wanted to do was make fabulous clothes for beautiful people. Looking back I can see that my Dad was disappointed – he wanted me to play for Aston Villa and drink pints.


‘Fashion school was a form of indoctrination. Insulation wasn’t even mentioned. We were terrified of missing a trend – I used to set my alarm for 4am so I could check out Japanese fashion websites and get a head start on the day. My best friend at college killed herself after a disastrous fling with moire silk. We all said it was for the best’.


If fashion disappears completely, nerds and fashionistas will be on more of a level playing field. Companies will have to do more in-depth interviews to filter out whichever type they don't want (usually nerds, unless the company actually produces something) and we might find more nerds successfully breeding. Whether that’s a positive remains to be seen.



Image from Pixabay by Pexels:


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