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Two early episodes of Doctor Who, which have been recently found in an old cardboard box, are to be lost again.


The episodes, which last annoyed viewers in the 1960's, are thought to have been recorded by a viewer at time of broadcast, and swiftly put in the attic in an attempt to forget them forever. Many who saw the original shows have long held out hope that the episodes had been wiped.


An archivist at the BBC said: "the film was in a terrible state, with ramshackle special effects, shoddy acting and gaping plot holes. The appearance of trundling Daleks halfway through was particularly nauseating."


"We had a team of experts working on it for several weeks to try to make the footage unwatchable. Removing the film from its cannister was a fraught process in itself, for fear of it failing to combust on exposure to air."


Experts hope that this latest expelling of episodes will spur people on to recall other examples of appalling science fiction, risible sitcoms and amateurish drama they have on tape, which might be ripe for abandonment in attics, storerooms or garden sheds. 




Racists who have never actually seen Doctor Who are complaining that the new Doctor, Ncuti Gatwa, is far too thin to play the famous Time Lord.


'Primarily, I’m worried about his health, said William McCleod. 'I’ve never watched the show and have no interest in it whatsoever, but I’m led to believe there’s lots of running around and that. You need to be well nourished to play this role and I’m not sure his slim frame can handle it.


'If he can’t take the exertion required for the role, he would surely have to be replaced by a white, middle-aged, male with a Home Counties accent.'


Mr McLeod's associate was unable to refrain from adding, 'At least it’s not another girl.'


First published 9 May 2022



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