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Magistrates in Hounslow have fined a man one hundred pounds and bound him over to keep the peace, after he was convicted of having trained his dog, a two-year-old German Shepherd called Rex, to "lurk nearby the newspaper display in Tesco and bite anyone on the arse who picked up a copy of the Daily Mail".
Simon Rothery a sous chef told reporters: 'I had had just about enough of watching a succession of smug blue-rinse old bats and Captain Mainwaring total fuckwits walking into the shop, reading the Mail's front page, turning puce, tutting loudly then picking up and buying it without even the slightest hint of embarrassment or shame. Not even one of them asked to have it hidden inside a brown paper bag.'
'What's more I have no intention whatsoever of complying with my sentence. Rex will continue to bite these reactionary bigots with impunity as far as I am concerned. They and their ilk are the reason the Brexit vote won in the EU referendum. I just don't know why they can't take a proper balanced paper like The Express or Sun.'
Photo by Anna Dudkova on Unsplash
Overnight returns reveal a low turn out for dogs at polling stations all over the country. Owners have been accused of 'dropping the ball', and giving their pets 'the runaround'.
This election has been 'dogged' by several scandals, including rumours of Pals and Pedigree Chums, along with XL Bullying and brown nosing.
Working dogs, however, have done relatively well, managing to shepherd some support. Smaller, small nosed dogs have remained pugnacious.
The Kennel Club have reminded voters that this was just a local election, and for Police Dogs. They have promised a much better turnout for the National event, Crufts, later in the year, but say people need to bring along documented proof of pedigree.
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