'Big Dog has shit on the carpet once too often’ says Tory donor

A Big Dog kept at 10 Downing Street by Tory donors has shit on the carpet once too often said one of its owners.

Speaking from his home in Monaco, Russian billionaire Sergi Merkatz - who owns several properties across London - criticised the dog for leaving yet another putrid stench festering on the Downing Street carpet.

Mr.Merkatz said the old dog was no longer able to carry out simple commands or come to heel when ordered to by its masters and so the time had come to replace the mutt with a dog that knew how to behave.

‘We were prepared to overlook the indiscriminate humping, the daily arse licking, the constant need for attention….but not understanding basic commands is the last straw. If I throw something on the Cabinet table then I expect the dog to fetch it for me….if I tell him to roll over I expect him to do it without question.

I haven’t donated £1.2m to the Tory party just to watch this incontinent dog shitting everywhere….. they need to clean up his mess and get a dog that realises who its masters are.

It is time to have the old dog put down'.

Golden Retriever Dog Isolated - Free photo on Pixabay

‘Suitcase actually contained dismembered body of a journalist’ insists Tory grandee

A leading Conservative MP has denied accusations that a suitcase spotted entering and leaving 10 Downing Street during lockdown contained bottles of wine and Doritos intended for a late-night party organised by staff .

Jake Reemog, Tory MP for Somerset East told investigators the suitcase was actually carrying the dismembered body of a dissident journalist. The journalist was last seen entering 10 Downing Street on 20th May 2020 just hours before the start of a drinks party and disco organised by Govt officials. The man was known to be a prominent critic of the Johnson administration and had been a thorn in the PM’s side since the pandemic began.

It has since been revealed that the Prime Minster actually attended one of the parties with his wife Carrie although he insists the carnival troupe he led around the rose garden at midnight was not a drunken conga line but a ‘works event’. Reemog defended the Prime Minster by saying Mr. Johnson did not realise the red liquid made from harvesting and fermenting grapes that he had been drinking all night was an alcoholic drink

‘Yes…there was a memo asking colleagues to BYOB….but I think that’s where the confusion starts. The memo meant Bring Your Own Body…..not Bring Your Own Bottle as some people are interpreting it.

There was nothing in lockdown restrictions to say you could not bring a dead body to an after works Covid meeting. I think you will find the senior civil servant investigating the various lockdown parties will find in our favour and exonerate all who attend the works meeting…..apart from the one Shaun Bailey attended….obviously".

To Travel Outfit Clothing - Free photo on Pixabay

Bag for Life Cupboard at 10 Downing Street