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Delivery companies in the Home Counties have called a strike for Father’s Day weekend this year (June 17th-18th). According to the Delivery Drivers Association, it’s not just the growing quantity of post on what the industry increasingly nicknames “Boris Day”.


Head of the Association, Pat van Clifton, said 'Did I say we’re delivering for the British people? Anyway, we were just about coping with the amount of post, although not all of the consignments smelt very salubrious, know what I mean. Now, though, there also seems to be a range of addresses each year, meaning we can have members in the wrong place several times over the weekend. Ask yourselves, is that appropriate for Boris Day?


'The challenge got particularly acute during lockdown where was so much traffic at Chequers, that our schedules were put out for days.


'This is a complex logistical challenge and our members deserve better pay and working conditions if we’re going to keep delivering for the British people.'


Mr Johnson will be approached for comment, when we can locate him.


photo: https://pixabay.com/users/romeosessions-21018118/



Curry Mallet, a village of 302 in southern Somerset, has broken ranks with the rest of England’s small settlements by announcing publicly that it does not want drivers to go through it whether they drive carefully or not. A sign to this effect was put up at the entry to the village last night.


Some analysts now fear that many other harrassed hamlets may follow suit. Potentially it might lead to the worst outbreak of rural off-handness since 1976, when a dissident group of Suffolk villages asked tour coaches if they wouldn’t mind awfully not parking in the lanes by their manor houses.


‘I’m fed up with doing the polite middle-class thing,’ Curry Mallet told reporters at a press conference last night. ‘Are these townie muppets interested in my Norman church? Are they even stopping for a reasonably priced lunch at the Dog & Partridge? Are they bollocks. They’re just cutting through me to get to the bright lights of Taunton.’


Instead of welcoming careful drivers the village has erected a new sign aimed at passing motorists which simply reads: ‘Polite Notice: F*@k Off’.


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