Artemis II unable to fake moon landing

Nasa has conceded that their latest spacecraft is unable to go where the Apollo missions went, which is a soundstage somewhere in the Nevada desert. Said one scientist, 'We conveniently lost all the original data, alongside who shot JFK. This means we cannot replicate the fake flag and questionable photography, instead we are forced to actually visit the Moon-which is the one thing the aliens asked us not to do.”

Fifty years since the original fake landing, we now forced to pretend that our technology is worse than the 70s-which is only true when talking about Prog Rock. We are now expected to believe that Artemis will have 41 minutes of communication blackout, while Richard Nixon was able to order pizza from Apollo 11 using two papercups connected by string.

Instead Artemis II will do a quick lap of the moon, ignoring all the otherworldly cities made from cheese. The return flight will be fairly straight forward once North America lines up with them, which is less complicated now that we know the Earth is flat. 'Thank goodness we launched on April 1st.'

image by Grok

Mars launches mission to Earth

Mars is expected to launch its Earth II space probe in the next few days sending four life-forms to the Moon where it hopes to establish a permanent lunar base once planning permission is sorted.

The ultimate aim is to use a Martian presence on the Moon to launch an ambitious mission to Earth where Mars believes there may be life, apart from the region known as Crawley.

A trip to Earth presents many obstacles for the Martian life forms. Chief among them is the weather. On Mars the temperature is a steady minus 80-degrees Fahrenheit. It is nippy. But at least you can rely on it. On Earth, the Martians are going to have to put up with a high degree of unpredictability. Some places are hot and dry; in others it’s tipping it down. This will affect what clothes they bring, with most experts saying they’ll have to prepare for all eventualities. As NASA likes to put it “four seasons in one day”.

Whatever the weather it’s a crowded launch schedule across the universe, with Easter coming and the ongoing disturbances in the Gulf. By coincidence, Earth is launching its Moon probe Artemis II on 1 April (was this a good idea, commentators have asked), and in a nice gesture Artemis will carry parking permits, both half-day and whole day, for a celestial handover of friendship in case the two craft meet.

image from pixabay

Spaceship approaching Earth is probably a comet, say aliens

Aliens who have been hiding in plain sight for millennia and controlling every aspect of human endeavour have broken cover to deny the spaceship named 3I/ATLAS is a spacecraft and is really just a comet. 

Unzipping his human exoskeleton to reveal his lizard body the leader of Reform stated clearly that any similarities between the comet and a spacecraft are coincidental and there is nothing to worry about, other than it being on a crash vector certain to wipe out all civilised life in about three month's time.

He also added that impact would absolutely confirm that Reform would be elected to lead the next government.

image from pixabay