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A Newcastle fan who found that his Carabao Cup final tickets had been eaten by his dog has a history of clichéd reasons for stuff going wrong.


Arnold Milk said he had been looking forward to a trip to Wembley and had even bought a new alarm clock to sit alongside the one that unfortunately fails to go off whenever he has a morning appointment.


Mr Milk admitted that during his schooldays, he regularly left his homework on the bus, and he once lost his PE kit when a big boy took it and ran away.


At work, Arnold rarely completes his actions on time due to supplier issues caused by Brexit. He has also had quite a few days off to attend his grandmother’s funeral due to his grandfather having been married five times.


Mr Milk still hopes to go to the game after the Club offered to print replacement tickets, provided they can overcome some ongoing IT issues.





Lawyers specialising in covid-19 restrictions have confirmed that the intention to eat, or the actual activity of eating during lockdown should be an indictable offence, and persons in authority who ate during lockdown should consider their positions 'while resigning on the spot'.


'The fact that some people sought to survive at the end of a working day while most of the country was forced to eat on Zoom is demeaning to the NHS, and whoever else was involved in covid,' said a lawyer today.


'I mean, curry? Really? And beer, what was the man thinking of? He could easily have retired to his hotel room hungry and thirsty, but no, he had to have something to eat. He didn't even have the decency to bring his own bottle, a karaoke machine, or pour drinks for everyone. Leading the conga would have been reasonable, but eating?'


The lawyer stated that his intention to represent the Conservatives as a candidate at the next election has had no influence upon his legal evaluation.



Image from Pixabay by wal_172619


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