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Etsy redundancies to be handcrafted




The redundancies have been lovingly made from not very sustainable working contracts. Meaning 11% of the workforce will now be spraypainted and upcycled on Ebay.


Each sacking will have been painstakingly made using traditional sacking methods from a festive Victorian Market. The Ye Olde feel extends to all the unemployed dying of rickets.


Sporting a shabby-chic distressed look, the staff will be repackaged as 'artisanal unemployed'. One sacked employee remarked: 'It's sad to get the letter but look at the penmanship and on vellum too!'


Photo by Magda Smolen on Unsplash

NHS added to Black Friday Sale

Updated: Jan 11, 2022



Excited patients are expected to queue all night for the sale, which will prepare them for future queues to see a GP. Richard Branson is said to be looking forward a cut price NHS, given he already offers 90% off all morals and ethics.


The NHS will be sold by Amazon under the Health category, alongside nutrient bars and vibrating eggs. If you are out, the delivery service will throw an entire operating theatre into your neighbour's garden.


Those who clapped for the NHS will get a 10% discount coupon, at the checkout. But only Amazon Prime members will be able to access future surgeries, under their 'Prime Cuts' package.


Two years ago Jeremy Corbyn predicted this sale but he also said there would be 75% off the new iPhone - so you win some, you lose some. Meanwhile, the Government insisted that if the sale did not go ahead: 'there was always Ebay'.






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